SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:  An Official Double Dip Dare . . . -- Dare One:  When This Pig Gets Pumped . . . -- A pot-bellied pig sank his teeth into the leg of a burglar who was trying to rob his owner.   Arnold, who weighs 21 stone, also stopped a burglar from getting into a neighbour's house by biting him.   The animal has become a celebrity among police officers in his home town of Minneapolis.   Arnold first showed his crime fighting abilities when his owner Becky Moyer spotted burglars in her garage.  She told the Star Tribune: "There were two guys in there.   One of them put something in my back that felt like a gun, and they said they wanted my purse.  I said my purse was in the house.  When we went in, I screamed for Arnold, and he got up and grabbed the guy by the leg.  He yelled, 'There's a pig in here!' and ran.  There was blood all over."  She added: "The police gave him that 'crime-fighter' name.  When they're in the neighbourhood, they like to stop by and pet him."  Arnold was a present from her boyfriend.   "Some people get lingerie," she said. "I got a pig."  Dare Two:  . . . The Police Get Pissed . . . -- A Florida policeman who caught a trouble-making pig after a 300-yard chase had to call for back-up to help him keep it under 'arrest'.  Ocala officer Carl Dunlap managed to hold on to the 14-stone pig's ears and hind legs but said he was afraid the pig would wriggle free.   Three fellow officers arrived on the scene and managed to herd it on to a trailer.   Residents had complained the pig had been destroying property.  "He spotted the hog, chased him for about 300 yards and finally was able to wrestle him to the ground,'' said Captain Robert Douglas, who heard his shouts for help over the radio.  Minutes later, Captain Douglas, Captain Mike Deen and Deputy John Shivley arrived on the scene to help Dunlap end the struggle.  "The first thing Dunlap said was that he sure was glad we showed up because he really didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold on," Captain Douglas said.  The four men loaded the pig on to a trailer and took it to Marion County Animal Control buildings, where officials placed the pig in a dog pen.


On Receiving a Pig as a Present by mousethief
(Tune not yet written)

I don't expect diamonds, I know he's not rich
But that boyfriend of mine is a sonofabitch
For my birthday I don't know quite what I expected
But something ROMANTIC I'd hoped he'd selected
Not fancy, not pricey, not antique, not big
But why in the hell did he get me a PIG?
I mean, come on, bright boy, just once why not THINK?
What girl wants a present that smells and goes OINK?
But while I'm deciding whether I should just dump 'im,
Two burglars come burgling, and the goddam pig jumped 'em!
Now my boyfriend's a hero, as well as his present
And I must admit now I am feeling more pleasant
About the bizarre gift he gave me. What foresight!
But when I said "thanks for the pig!" he said, "poor sight
has played a cruel joke. I must get new glasses!
I thought I had bought you a dog!" -- Now THAT's what class is.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved and such.

Back to Top