SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Whoa, HOT PANTS! Good Lawd, That's Where It's At! -- Colorado Springs, Colorado, Jun 27, 2001 -- If you're thinking about going to the mall in that snappy aluminum-lined underwear in the back of your dresser drawer, think again.   Beginning Sunday, it will be illegal in Colorado to wear aluminum underwear.  OK, there's a caveat. You can wear aluminum briefs and lingerie as long as it's for personal amusement - but not if it is to help steal by foiling stores' anti-shoplifting devices.   The new law is no laughing matter ... really.  "This is serious business," said Sen. Stephanie Takis, one of the bill's sponsors.   "We have laws against using crowbars as theft devices, but if you were lining your underwear with aluminum foil, that was not a crime."  And by golly, said Takis, it should be.  She cited several Denver-area malls that have caught shoplifters with aluminum-lined shopping bags and even the so-called "iron pants" and could do nothing to stop it.   Steve Miller, an attorney who helped draft the bill:  "I don't know if it was the highlight of my career, but I got the assignment."  Miller said the bill went through several evolutions - "or devolutions depending on your viewpoint" - before it received Gov. Bill Owens' approval.  Essentially, it makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear if they intend to use it to fool stores' theft-protection devices.  Those devices electronically sense when merchandise leaving the store hasn't been handled by a cashier, and foil can interfere with that detection.   Miller said the new law also gives store employees civil and criminal immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk.


One Tin-Foiled Rear (The Legend of Grill E. Rack) by SharonA
(Tune: "One Tin Soldier/The Legend of Billy Jack")

SharonA's Comments:  There are some truly amazing, riotously funny songs in this thread!!  Sorry it took me so long to get around to writing anything (I hate it when life gets in the way of parody!).  In one of the recent SONG CHALLENGE! threads, MMario observed that I have a sick, twisted, demented mind . . . so it seems I now have a reputation to uphold!   With that in mind, I submit [this offering] for those of you with strong stomachs . . .

Listen, prisoners, to a story
Short on briefs but long on gore
'Bout a judge inside a courtroom
And the lad he hungered for.

In the mall, the boy sought treasures
Buried them beside his stones
In the secret undergarment
Made of tin-foil that he owns.

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.

When the young man left the mall, he
Was arrested by a guard.
Though his theft went undetected,
That kid's hard-on seemed too hard.

Came the day of trial and sentence
And the judge said, "For your crime
Of impersonating meat in
Reynolds Wrap, your ass is mine."

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.

Now the judge announced a cookout
At his house for all the courts
And they brought the prisoner to it
Still clad in his shiny shorts

Now they stood beside the boy who
Bragged of what his tattoo said,
Tore the foil and looked beneath it:
"Eat me"; that was all they read.

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.

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