SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Here's the 'beastie bliss' as promised. This challenge idea was suggested by our own dear Bert. Go for it, Challenge!rs!!!   Vienna, May 9 - The illegal stowaway arrived in the Czech Republic with a nasty hangover and was apprehended by the authorities - but not without a fight. But instead of being sent back on the first ship out, he's become a star.  Meet Vaclav, the raccoon who survived for weeks on beer and dog food.   "He was one lucky raccoon," says Vladimir Thichor, head of the animal clinic in Pardubice. "If that consignment of beer had not been on board, he would not have lasted three days."   Vaclav - named by Czechs with a wink at their ex-dissident President Vaclav Havel, another great survivor - traveled in a container all the way from Canada to the East Bohemian town of Pardubice, deep in the provinces. He probably crept in for a free meal when the container was being loaded in Toronto. But when the door closed, he was trapped for more than three weeks.   Vaclav tore into the packs of dry dog-food, then looked for something to quench his thirst. Something told him to sink his sharp teeth into a six pack, and from that moment on, Vaclav was one happy puppy. So to speak.  As a result, when the container was opened, Vaclav did not want to come out: he had found beastie bliss. Two policemen specially trained in the capture of vicious animals were called in. Clad in protective suits and armed with gladiator nets, the team spent two hours trapping the rancorous raccoon, who fought them tooth and claw all the way to his allotted cage.  There, he sulked in a corner and slept it off, suffering the raccoon equivalent of cold turkey. Nor was he charmed when he was given a bath to wash the beer residue out of his matted coat.  Vaclav is now the darling of the Czech media. The Pardubice animal clinic's phone has been jammed with calls offering him a home. Director Thichor, however, was not moved by the outpouring of sentiment. "A raccoon is not a family pet," he said. "Vaclav will go to a zoo where everyone can come and see him - and where we will try to find him a mate."   Now if he could just get a television and a six pack ... 

Oh What A Shame! by Mbo
(Tune:  Roy Wood's "Oh What a Shame!")

Well I thought I smelled food, so I ran past the dude 
Who was loading stuff in the hold 
And a big metal box sitting there on the docks 
Was the source, so my raccoon nose told 
But when I got inside, the giant door on the side 
Was closed and locked on me 
And I thought "Just my luck, for I'm a raccoon Canuck 
ith no way to get myself free!" 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! Wish I was in my tree again! 

So I started to shake and a fit did I take 
And I thought what can I do now? 
But I'm a nocturnal guy, and soon my eyes they did spy 
Stacks of Purina puppy chow 
So with claws sharp as knives, I tore in, and surprise 
I found some tasty fare 
So as I crunched on the snack, like an addict on crack 
I wished somehow I could wash it all down 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! Wish I had a gurgling creek again! 

"It's all over and done" I thought my race has been run 
Cause my throat was as parched as sand 
And to have myself die from a throat that was dry 
Was the worst injustice in the land 
But then God answered my plea, cause I felt something hit me 
Yeah, it knocked me right on the head 
And I smiled with love, for what had fell from abovel 
It was a can of Killian's Red! 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! But that beer took away the pain! 

So with the pallets of beer, I then made richt guid cheer 
I was living just like a king 
And to hang out in my pad, just like a furry Jack-the-Lad 
Well, it seemed like the greatest thing 
Yeah it was mighty high style, and better all the while 
Than even wild and woolly racoon sex 
But I heard voices outside and the big door opened wide 
Now I'm in the homeland of the Czechs!! 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! They looked at me like I was insane! 

Well I fought tooth and nail, but eventually failed 
When they tried to haul me out 
There was nought I could do, I ended up in this zoo 
With no beer & Chow, which makes me pout 
And now they call me "Vaclav" just like I'm some sort of Slav 
Instead of "Bob" where I used to roam 
And the phones ring all day, from carzy people who say: 
"Oh, we want to take you home!" 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! I wish I was in my crate again!!!! 

Doo waa doo, wa wa wa wa 
Doo doo waaaaaaaa 

Oh what a shame! Oh what a shame! 
Oh what a shame! I wish I was in my crate again!!! 

Back to Top