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SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!
No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms. The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same. But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe. More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge. It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George. A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement. She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts. "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh." And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass. They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible". Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend". He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend. "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families. "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."
The Office Secretary by Bradypus
(Tune: The tune, obviously, is 'Ding Dong! Merrily on High)
Bradypus' Comments: Apologies to any secretaries, or people called Gloria, for what follows. This is a work of pure imagination.
Ding! Dong! Ring the office bell!
Be merry, hale and hearty
Music, food and drink as well
It is the office party
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.
Who wore short skirt and fishnets?
Whose dress was oh, so thrilling
Who eyed up the office lads
And looked like she was willing?
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.
Who pigged out on all the food?
Who ate enough for twenty?
Who drank much more than she should?
It looked like she'd had plenty!
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.
Who decided that she would –
Although we thought she wouldn't?
What persuaded her she could –
Although they said she shouldn't?
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.
Yes, she found the fax machine
Her rear to photocopy
Took a picture quite obscene
And stored it on a floppy
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.
Who was very much admired?
Her disposition sunny.
Who deserved just to be fired –
At least, they thought it funny!
Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.