SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   The Case of the Crazed Cookie Crusher -- (Yardley, Pennsylvania) For three years the managers in the three supermarkets kept finding shelves of crumbled cookies and smashed loaves of bread. A cookie company finally installed a hidden camera turned on the cookie aisle at a Giant supermarket. That led to the arrest and conviction of Samuel Feldman, 37, on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, and a fine of $1,000.  Both prosecutors and defense attorneys appeared in court with bags of sweet-smelling evidence. The prosecution with bruised buns and crushed cookies, and the defense with unmangled goodies used to demonstrate their client's squeezing technique. Although Mr. Feldman claimed his innocence, saying 'I squeeze bread when I go to the store, but I don't get arrested for it," the judge said that the 18-hour videotape clearly showed Feldman "manipulating bread and cookies" and "acting suspiciously around the baked goods." A local reporter commented that the videotape showed Mr. Feldman waiting until his wife's back was turned, and only then would he begin bashing the bread. "He apparently loved to stick his thumbs in the middle of the fruit-filled cookies. The impressions were so distinct, the police were able to use them to lift his fingerprints."  Judge Heckler has postponed the sentencing hearing to give Mr. Feldman, who now lives in Las Vegas, time to find "a mental health professional who is familiar with bread-related compulsive behavior." Meanwhile, the bread and cookie distributors still want their dough, and are planning to sue Mr. Feldman in civil court to recover $8,000, the amount of baked goods they claim that he vandalized over the three year period.


Paws In The Dough by Al Boyce
(Tune: Rosin the Beau)

Al's Comments:  Oops! I had this written before I read that the challenge was closed. Oh well.... Enjoy!

The Feldmans would go out shopping
When their pantry supplies would grow low,
While his wife would select all the groceries,
Sam just puts his paws in the dough.

CHORUS:
Sam just puts his paws in the dough
Sam just puts his paws in the dough
Whenever his wife takes him shopping
Sam just puts his paws in the dough

(on subsequent verses replace the third line of the chorus with the third line of the verse.)

They'd start out at Piggly-Wiggly,
To the A&P then they would go,
In the markets of east Pennsylvania,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

While his wife was perusing the poultry,
Sam to the pastries would go,
And when she was deciding on duckling,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

He'd deliberately fondle foccacia,
He'd crush the croissants in a row,
And he'd mangle the muffins and matzohs,
Sam just put his paws in the dough.

At last when Sam was apprehended,
The baker was angry, just so!
He said, "Sam you owe Eight thousand dollars
For putting your paws in my dough!"

So next time you strangle a streudel,
Throw breadsticks around to and fro,
When playing with bagels, remember...
Sam just put his PAWS in the dough!

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