SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites.  The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding.  A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up."  "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that.  So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection."  Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition.  "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it.  It's all part of the Christmas tradition.  However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.


The North Pole Goons by Clifton53
(Tune: The Green Berets)

Brave young men, with balls of brass
Tough mean dudes, guard Santa's ass
Hard as steel, crazy as loons
Those nasty thugs, called The North Pole Goons

Santa's safety, they insure
Heads on straight, and hearts so pure
No better men, in many moons
Those rough hombres, called The North Pole Goons

Body armor, Uzis hid
A detriment, to any kid
Life is not, a big cartoon
Don't screw around, with The North Pole Goons

If some child, should dare invade
Santa's debt, is fast repaid
And that child, will leave real soon
You cannot test, The North Pole Goons

So don't be surly, don't be weird
And do not reach, for Santa's beard
For they'll leave, your health in ruins
Those fighting men, called The North Pole Goons

Just be happy, act real nice
I would say, it's good advice
Just take this word, from 'ol Cliff-tunes
Don't mess around, with The North Pole Goons

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