Nathan and the Magic Tuna
From the telling of Amergin
Some years ago, I was sailing on the Oil Spill Response Vessel, Clean Pacifc Columbia down the coast of Oregon from Astoria to Coos Bay. We were supposed to follow the stern of the New Carissa out to sea when they towed it off the beach.
Well that first morning after crossing the Columbia River Bar, I was standing on the bow smoking a fag watching the fog roll back from the shoreline, feeling the waves rock us in gentle greeting. Suddenly, a fifty pound tuna jumps from the swelling sea, over the bulwarks...and onto the steel deck. I stood there jaw hanging down to my belly as the fag slowly slipped from my fingers, rolling through the scupper and sizzling out into the saltwater below...
I got down and caught the fish and held it still as best I could hoping that it would give up soon...thinking of the fine supper we would have that night....Then I heard a voice in my ear plead, "Please don't eat me!" I jumped nearly losing grip of the tuna in my shock and I heard it again, "Please do not eat me I will give you anything you want."
I looked down and saw two eyes looking intently at me from a face of scales. I saw the mouth open and close with each syllable emanating from it's depths, "If you let me go you can have anything in the world you desire."
"What could you possibly give to me?" I asked.
"I can give you riches beyond your wildest imagination. It would make the wealth of Ancient Egypt pale by comparison. The most beautiful women in all the world would flock to you and do whatever your heart desired."
"Hmmm....Yeah but if I had so much money I would need an army of accountants just to keep track of it all, a division of lawyers to keep it in my hands, and a security system so powerful it will lock me inside, safe from the greedy hands of the world...whereas I llike being in contact with people, I like going to work and talk with them and laugh with them, I like going to the pub and having a few pints with my mates....as for the women well...I would rather they be with me because of who I am...rather than what I can buy for them. So no...that will not do."
The fish quieted for a moment and spoke once more, "I can give you power beyond your imagination. Presidents and kings would do your bidding peace can reign over the world, you would have the power of life and death over every single person in the world."
"What is the good of that?" I asked, "I do not need or want such power. All I need is the power to rule myself and the collective power of my comrades so that we can get what we deserve, nothing more."
Again the fish was silent, thought creeping into its deep dark eyes then it spoke once more, "I can give you knowledge and wisdom,. The secrets of life would be unlocked for you. God himself would ask for your advice...you would make the wisdom of Solomon seem like a child's fancy."
"Now why would I want that? I responded, "Seems to me life would be rather boring if I knew everything...and the reasons for everything...there would be no need to live...for I would already know everything...instead of learn by experience, which although may be harder....but it is alot more worthwhile."
Exasperated the fish asked, "Is there anything you want at all?"
"Yes, food." And I must admit that was the best damn tuna I ever had the pleasure of eating.
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