SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds.  Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance.  Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique.  Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers."  Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.


My Name It Is Bruce by derrymacash
(The by now customary entry to the tune of "Nell Flaherty's Drake")

My name it is Bruce and to tell you the truth
A swimmer am I of some fame and renown
I'm slick and I'm fast and I'm rarely surpassed
And never outclassed when the chips they are down
But try as I might (and I try day and night)
I cannot improve on my personal best
But my coach has a scheme, "It'll work like a dream"
He cheerfully beamed and he stuck out his chest

Well I had a shock, when I saw the croc
Says I to the coach, "Hey Mate, what's the game?"
"Oh don't be a fool! Get into the pool.
It's totally cool, he's perfectly tame!
But I'll guarantee – and soon you will see
That your rate of progress will greatly increase
One little nudge and by Christ you will budge –
As God is my judge! – like lightning that's greased!"

That cold-blooded beast like a monster unleashed
With a swish of his tail commenced his pursuit
And I like an otter sliced through the water
But the crocodile gained on me foot upon foot
Till his scaly nose brushed on my toes
And I like a rocket leapt up on dry land
And so, since that day, I'm sorry to say
My career as a swimmer has come to an end

God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail
That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread
I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast
Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead
I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian
Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave
And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear
He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave

I detest his oul' snout and his toothsome oul' mouth
His hideous pout and his hypocrite's tear
Neither smoothie nor charmer, encased within armour
He thinks he's got nothing and no-one to fear
But if Tarzan the apeman, got into a scrape, man
The watery reptile would soon rue the day
Cos the Lord Of The Jungle is known not to bungle
When he wrestles with reptiles in mortal affray

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