Mary Ellen Carter by Trapper


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The Song Challenge: Don't You Think They'd Get A Stiff Neck? -- Two University of Kentucky professors have been awarded a patent for an intranasal for of Sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra, which would produce almost instantaneous effects. Anwar Hussein and Lewis Dittert, who filed for the patent in Dec'98 and received international media attention, were awarded the patent in March. They said their delivery system would allow patients to get results in 5 to 15 minutes. In pill form, Viagra takes about an hour to work. Somebody go and tell Catspaw to keep a squinty eye on this one . . . I think it's gonna be good!!

Mary Ellen Carter by Trapper
(New words by Al Boyce 7/13/2001)

Trapper's Comments: I'm REALLY sorry about this one... but it was crying out to be parodied for this challenge. I'm sure Stan would understand . . . - Al

She went down last October in my brand new all-terrain
Wild Turkey we'd been drinkin, and my gal, she felt no pain
I was close to an erection so she dealt one final blow...
And Mary Ellen Carter settled low
She worked for half an hour before consciousness was lost
She'd worked like hell to coax me, all heedless of the cost
And the groan she gave as she went down, it caused me to proclaim
That for Mary Ellen Carter I'd rise again!

Well I wrote Viagara off, for I'd not an hour to spend
"Miss April" served me twenty years, then met her sorry end
An implant seemed too drastic, with a pump hung down below
And they'd laugh at me when I had to "go"...
But I surfed the web all winter, some days around the clock
I'd feel just like a million, with a thick enormous c*ck
Then I read about a nasal spray to put my love tool on the mend,
And for Mary Ellen Carter rise again!

CHORUS:
Rise again, Rise again
With a Sildenafil sniff from the U of K men
In just five minutes time, 9 inches end-to-end
And for Mary Ellen Carter rise again!

All spring I searched my mailbox for the package that they'd sent
While Mary waited patiently, my unit still was bent
I'd ordered it a month ago, but mail service here is slow
Thank God she still had strength to go "below"...
Then I saw the mail truck coming as I hurried home from town
In my box he placed a package with brown paper all around
And inside was that inhaler to rejuvenate my "friend"...
And for Mary Ellen Carter to rise again!

For I couldn't leave it hang you see to wither and to pale
It'd saved my life so many times, with Debbie, Jill and Gail
And the laughing, drunken brats when I could not pierce their "cave"
They won't be laughing in another day
And you, to whom your girlfriend has dealt her final blow
With your horn-dog friends laughing at you everywhere you go
Insert and sniff Sildenafil, then watch it with a grin
And in Mary Ellen Carter, Rise again!

CHORUS 2:
Rise again, rise again
Though your tool it be broken, sex life about to end
No matter what it cost, Sildenafil's your friend
For in Mary Ellen Carter to rise again!