SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Here's a Challenge! idea sent in by JenEllen -- Gobbler's Gone For Good: Cemetery Turkey Is Laid To Rest - Death Is Not Due To Fowl Play -- (Spokane, WA) When a tom turkey strutted onto a cemetery just before Thanksgiving, people figured he was either a farm escapee trying to avoid ending up the centerpiece of a holiday dinner ir a wild bird just passing through.  But the bird that became known as Martin A Gobbler remained for good, and he hardly overstayed his welcome.  The turkey - eventually determined to be wild - took up residence for seven months, adding unsuspected levity to graveside services.  The gobbler also attracted gawkers who came to see him chase cars in the parkinglot and fend off the ducks who invaded what he considered his turf.  Martin died June 24th, and got a farewell fit for a creature far higher on the food chain.  The bird, believed to be around a year old, was found dead on the grounds with no obvious signs of trauma.  The memorial drew about 50 people and featured an altar, photo, and flowers with an attached note "Your gobble will be missed."  The turkey's cremated remains are stored in a small blue urn in the office of the funeral director while they plan to incorporate them into a monument featuring a bronze turkey statue placed near the office entrance.  The cemetery owner believes Martin's biggest burden in life was his apparent inability to find a mate.  Staff never saw a hen on the grounds, and Martin's flamboyant displays of strutting and pecking car tires were merely for human consumption.  "He didn't enjoy his life of celibacy at all" stated the groundskeeper  "He would get all fluffed up and parade around here like he owned the place.  He was trying to attract a mate and there were none to attract."


Martin, The Turkey From Spokane by derrymacash

derrymacash's Comments:  Oh, sufferin' Jesus!  Now somebody tells me it's pronounced Spo-Kan!  In which case � to the tune of "Kelly The Boy From Killane" (another place spelt ane but pronounced an) � let's hear it for "Martin, The Turkey From Spokane."

What's the news, what's the news oh my bold shelmalier
And why are you travelling with such haste
Is the earth 'bout to quake, is the dam 'bout to break
To all before it laying waste?
You may joke, you may jest but nevertheless
When you hear what I say, you'll grow wan
You'll holler and howl, this is murder most fowl
They've killed Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

Not a bird of the air, like the dodo so rare
He was feathered, but his wings were little stumps
He could often be found, tryin' to leave the ground
But the best he could manage was a jump
And though he was big as a pot-bellied pig
He was never a match for a man
Who snoke up behind and with murder in mind
Butchered Marty, the Turkey from Spokane

To hear of such news makes me shake in my shoes
I am frightened and terrified and scared
To commit such an act, and so matter-of-factly
I'd punish the culprit if I dared
But I'll freely admit I am more than a bit
In awe of this brute of a man
Who, in dead of the night, put an end to the life
Of Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

So let's not avenge, let us meet and arrange
A tribute that's fitting to the bird
As a mark of respect let the townsfolk collect
We'll commission a few well-chosen words
We shall speak of our pride, of our shock when he died
Each mourner will do what they can
And with tears in our eyes, we shall each eat a slice
Of Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

Back to Top