SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Not one to let you Challenge!rs rest on your laurels (or cow chips, as the case may be), here's a great two-fer-one Challenge! from myself and the doesterr.  You have a choice here -- you can write a song about either of these topics, OR, you can write a song that includes both topics, thus qualifying for the Two-Fer-One Award! 

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(This one is from doesterr) 

Do You Know The Way To San Jose?  This could only happen in California....(true story) -- Car Jacking Foiled: An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found four unknown males in her car.  She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she "knows how to use it and that she will if required... so get out of the car! "   The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.   Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition.  Her car was an identical model and was parked four or five spaces further down.  She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.  The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white woman...no charges were filed. 

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And here's mine: 

Car 54 - Where Are You?  Pensioners cause mayhem in police car - Police are investigating how two 76-year-old women got hold of a squad car and drove it with sirens blaring and lights flashing - before crashing it.  The little old ladies were "Citizens on Patrol" volunteers who drive around Beloit, Wisconsin, looking out for suspicious behaviour - but they are NOT supposed to drive squad cars.  They were asked to go to the scene of an accident to help control traffic but ended up in the police squad car instead of one of the unmarked police cars they normally use, according to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.  Shirley Nelson and neighbour Jeune Nelson kept the radio on during the incident and were heard asking each other for directions.  Their adventure ended when they went through a red light and hit an oncoming car.  Neither woman was hurt but Shirley received a ticket for failing to drive safely.  The Citizens Patrol programme has been suspended pending an inquiry.  "I want to know who sent two little old ladies out in a squad car with a shotgun," says Rock County district attorney David O'Leary.  He is reviewing the case to see if criminal charges might be brought.

Mamie and Prudence by Amos
(Tune:  Don't Mess Around with Jim [J. Croce])

Milwaukee gots its tough side 
Where they build those retirement halls 
And the Fair Pines Home has ninety-year Mamie 
And man, that gal has balls! 
Now Mame's as hard as a Pecos yard, 
Stands about five-foot-two 
But all the beer-soaked jocks kinda drop their socks 
When they talk about what Mame can do, 

And they say, 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame.

Now Mamie went into a hardware store 
Said, "I'm a lookin for some short-case rounds, 
"Cuz my hawg-leg iron ran dead from firin', 
And I ain't a gonna put it down." 
When she came back with her ammo, 
Well, she got taken quite aback, 
'Cause there was four big dudes in her '88 Rocket, 
Wearin' backwards baseball caps! 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame.

So Mamie pulled her hardware, 
And she dropped those dudes down cold, 
And she told 'em they better keep on movin' 
If they wanted to grow old 
Well they didn't want to argue with the business end 
Of Mamie's thirty-eight 
And they took off runnin' past the Dairy Queen 
And as they ran she could hear them say, 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame.

But her key couldn't start that Rocket Olds 
And the smell wasn't quite the same 
And she realized to her great surprise 
That the reg wasn't in her name, 
Then she found her car in the parking lot 
An' boy her face was red, 
So she cruised downtown to the local sheriff, 
An' this is what she said: 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame.

Now the sheriff was the son-in-law 
Of two of Mamie's marks 
An' he told he'd get her cooling her seat 
Out behind them county bars 
Well, it didn't sit too well with her, 
And a hush fell on the crowd, 
When Mamie put three slugs in the precinct ceiling 
And she hollered right out loud, 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame. 

Well, Mamie and her 88 took off laying rubber 
Headin' for the county line, 
She thought, "It may look funny, but its gonna save me money, 
If I can make it to the Antioch line, 
She was cutting south on Highway 45, 
She had Chicago on her mind, 
She was goin' like a twister when she saw her big sister 
In the mirror right behind, 

An' she told herself, 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no shorts with stains 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Mame.

Well, Mamie's sister's name was Prudence 
She musta been about a hundred and four 
And she'd helped herself to the sheriff's squad car 
With the shotgun on the floor 
She pulled up alongside Mamie, 
An ' she shot her tires through 
She tol' her, Sis, I hate to be like this, 
But I tol' Ma I'd look after you! 

And she said, 

Ya don't pee on no third rail 
Ya don't wear no see-through 
Ya don't try to moon 'em down in Shallcross, Georgia, 
An' you don't mess around with Pru! 
No, no, no, no, 
You don' mess around with Pru!

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