SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Chicken Of The Living Dead? -- Kay Martin, a secretary to a New Zealand MP, got the fright of her life a few weeks ago.   According to the Auckland Sunday Star, she and a friend were chatting over a drink when they heard a chicken squawking.   The bird sounded in some distress, so they went outside to investigate, thinking perhaps that it had escaped from one of the neighbors.  But, there were no chickens anywhere.  Then Martin realized with horror that the sound was coming from her own kitchen - coming, in fact, from the oven, where she had put a chicken in to roast half an hour earlier.   "It was as if it was shrieking at me from its grave," she says.  "It was so bizarre I just froze."  As they approached the oven, the squawking reached a crescendo.  They took the tray out, and as the chicken began to cool, the squawking died away.  Martin chopped the neck off and threw it in the sink.  She noticed that the vocal chords were intact.  "Steam was coming up the neck from the stuffing," says Martin, and this had caused the dead bird to squawk.  She has not cooked chicken since.


Loreena's Raison by Áine
(Tune: Corina, Corina)

Áine's Comments: Alright, here it comes . . . I wrote this at 3 a.m. this morning, after sleeping on the sofa in front of the TV . . . that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it . . . I'm fairly confident that everyone on the globe remembers the sad story of Loreena Bobbit, her husband, and that incident with a certain piece of cutlery. Personally, I never bought that 'mad with jealousy' defense that her lawyer talked her into. At last, the real reason for her 'temporary insanity' can be revealed . . . I really gotta get more sleep . . .


Chorus:
Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Well, we all remember,
'bout that fateful day,
When Loreena 'lost' it,
Then she threw 'it' away.
But, the truth of the matter,
That couldn't be told then,
Was that the 'other woman',
Was really a hen!

Ev'rybody in town knew,
About his taste for 'chicks',
Loreena heard the whispers,
But bein' a little 'thick',
She drove to Barnes and Noble,
And bought up ev'ry book,
With chicken in the title,
So she could learn to cook.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Loreena barbequed 'em,
Flambéed and deep fat fried,
She stewed and souped in hope that
He would be satisfied.
But, he kept skippin' supper,
To 'diddle' on the sly,
She thought it was her cookin',
And ev'ry night she cried.

Then one night he came home,
His 'chick' was out of town,
Loreena was so happy,
She put her cookbooks down.
She stuffed her bird to roast it,
To show she was a good wife,
But she forgot that last step,
That involved the knife.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Bloated with too much stuffin',
That bird began to swell,
And of its earthly troubles,
It began to tell.
Mr. Bobbit jumped up,
His wife to loudly scold,
And how that evenin' ended,
Already has been told.

Sittin' in the hoosgow,
Loreena was confused,
When of her cookin' defects,
She was disabused.
She'd thought it was the peahen,
That needed to be changed,
But it was the peacock,
That she rearranged!

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Back to Top