SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites.  The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding.  A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up."  "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that.  So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection."  Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition.  "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it.  It's all part of the Christmas tradition.  However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.


Look At That Face by Áine
(Tune: Look At That Face by Anthony Newley; from the musical, Roar of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

Áine's Comments:  OK –– Since it's Friday, and I don't have to cook tonight (let's hear it for 'cheesy greasy fried beef Fridays'!!), I've had a few minutes to come up with a little ditty for this Challenge!. I took the kids' side on this one –– imagine what a cathartic experience it would be to visit Santa with Vinnie and Alfredo standing behind him . . . Hope y'all like it . . . ;-)

Look at that face -
Just look at it,
Look at that jolly old face of yours.
I knew first look I took at it,
This was the face that the world adores.

Look at those eyes -
As blue and as deep as the sea.
But Santa, that bulge,
Is it fat, or an AKC?

As for your smile, it's cynical -
Cold as a dead cod upon the quay -
If I survive, it's a miracle
Where could I ever find words to say

That you used to make me happy
Whenever I sat in your lap?
Now I find when I look
A FBI spook
In that face

Look at that elf -
Just look at him
I see a wire hidden 'neath his cap.
I knew the first look I took at it
You've got an elf who is full of crap.

Look at those eyes -
As close as the closest of friends.
Look at those shades -
They start where a tunnel ends.

As for his smile - spectacular!
One grin would frighten a saint away.
He's got a face like Dracula!
And I mean that in the nicest way!

To say that my world has changed now
Would not even state the case.
No wonder I shook
When I first took a look
At your face.

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