SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Whoa, HOT PANTS! Good Lawd, That's Where It's At! -- Colorado Springs, Colorado, Jun 27, 2001 -- If you're thinking about going to the mall in that snappy aluminum-lined underwear in the back of your dresser drawer, think again.   Beginning Sunday, it will be illegal in Colorado to wear aluminum underwear.  OK, there's a caveat. You can wear aluminum briefs and lingerie as long as it's for personal amusement - but not if it is to help steal by foiling stores' anti-shoplifting devices.   The new law is no laughing matter ... really.  "This is serious business," said Sen. Stephanie Takis, one of the bill's sponsors.   "We have laws against using crowbars as theft devices, but if you were lining your underwear with aluminum foil, that was not a crime."  And by golly, said Takis, it should be.  She cited several Denver-area malls that have caught shoplifters with aluminum-lined shopping bags and even the so-called "iron pants" and could do nothing to stop it.   Steve Miller, an attorney who helped draft the bill:  "I don't know if it was the highlight of my career, but I got the assignment."  Miller said the bill went through several evolutions - "or devolutions depending on your viewpoint" - before it received Gov. Bill Owens' approval.  Essentially, it makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear if they intend to use it to fool stores' theft-protection devices.  Those devices electronically sense when merchandise leaving the store hasn't been handled by a cashier, and foil can interfere with that detection.   Miller said the new law also gives store employees civil and criminal immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk.


Line My Libido by mousethief
(Tune: Fly like an Eagle)

Beep beep beep (doo-doo-doodoo!)
Beep beep beep

Beep beep beep (doo-doo-doodoo!)
Beep beep beep

Theftguards keep beepin' beepin' beepin'
When I walk through them
Theftguards keep beepin' beepin' beepin'
When I walk through them

Steal the small stuff, that's what I like to do
Steal the good stuff, with high resale value
Steal the expensive, but these tags make me blue
Oh-ho, what's the solution?

I wanna line my libido, my BVD's
Line my libido, let that tinfoil cover me
I want to line my libido, can't catch me
Oh-ho, that's the solution

But this foil keeps on rippin' rippin' rippin'
Down in my bluejeans

Foil keeps on rippin' rippin' rippin'
Down in my bluejeans
repeat and fade

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved

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