Lap Pool Croc by Genie


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Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds. Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance. Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique. Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers." Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.

Lap Pool Croc by Genie
(Tune: "Jailhouse Rock" by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller)

Coach Davies threw a crock into the racing pool.
The swimmers shouted out, "Hey, coach, that's just not cool!"
As they were jumpin' in, the croc was on their tails.
You should've seen those freaked out Aussies flail
From shock, those bikini-clad Jocks!.
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Just fleein' from the Lap Pool Croc.

Sheila Murphy smoothed her Speedo 'round her tush,
Her arms were like propellors, didn't need no push!
The swimmer boy from Illinois went "splosh, splish, splash! "--
Five hundred meters in a lightning flash!
Let's rock, you aquatical Jocks!.
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Just fleein' from the Lap Pool Croc.

"A minute forty-seven for a mile point three,
Reptilians in the water make ya wanna pee.
I'd be a bit distracted by their company,
Don't wanna have no Lap Pool Croc with me."
Let's rock, you hyper-energized Jocks!
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Retreatin' from the Lap Pool Croc.

Casuarina city council members say,
"Hey, Man, Ya can't abuse our pool that way!"
Then PETA shows up and hollers, "Croc abuse!
If he's on the team, ya gotta cut 'im loose!"
Let's rock! Let's undo that jaw lock!
We'll be tearin' up that timin' clock
When the tape is off that Lap Pool Croc!

Now the
Bad gator's on the tail of Bryan Stone,
Breakin' world records on his very own,
Croc passed 'em all, a-shoutin' out, "Lord! Lord!
Now watch what I can do off of that old high board!"
Let's rock! Timer's runnin', tick-tock!
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Includin' that ol' Lap Pool Croc.

Coach Davies told the Darwin Telegraph,
"The gator in the pool has cut our time in half."
Then he said to PETA, "Aw, go take a walk!
I can't wait to get that 'gator in my wok!"
It's shlock! This competition's a crock!
I'm visualizin' that ol' croc
A-sizzlin' in my heirloom wok!