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What A Fella Will Do For A Good Irish Stew! . . . A house burglar in South London ignored a video recorder, mobile phones and other valuables – but stole a pan of Irish stew.  Clare Wilson, from Mitcham, made the dish for the next day's dinner, then left it on her oven and went to bed.  The next morning it had vanished, but nothing else had been taken.  Ms. Wilson, a mum of four, told The Sun: "I know my cooking is good but this is ridiculous.  It's unbelievable someone would just take a stew when all that stuff was lying about the place.  I'm considering putting out reward posters asking people if they've seen my stew pot.  I've been making stew for over 20 years in that pot, and I'm a bit annoyed.  I've got several others, but it was my favourite.  It's just the right size for all the family.  The thief must have tasted the food first because I found dollops of it around the top of the stove."  Ms. Wilson's sons, Brian, 20, and Scott, 19, swear they did not eat the stew after getting in from the pub – they had a kebab on the way home.  The back door had been forced open, so Ms. Wilson reported the crime to Mitcham police.  She said: "The thief should have just knocked on the door.  I'd have invited them along for dinner.  There would have been enough for everyone."


The Kettle of Purloined Stew by Clifton53
(Tune: Maid Of The Sweet Browne Knowe)

'Twas on a fair and gentle day in the South of London green
Claire Wilson rattled her pots down in her kitchen so serene
"The next days fare I will prepare for it's the thing to do"
She'd no idea it would become The Kettle of Purloined Stew

"'Tis me favorite pot I love a lot I'll use to make this grub"
While her boys were busy making merry at the pub
"Tomorrow morn it will still be warm and we'll have a fine ragout"
But when the sun came up she missed The Kettle of Purloined Stew

Beset with shock she took in stock of the situation drear
"Where the devil is me pot" she cried, "how could it disappear?"
The thief was just a mystery she didn't have a clue
And someone rash had made a dash with The Kettle of Purloined Stew

She made some noise and woke her boys saying, "I'll get to the crux"
"Yez ate me stew now didn't you, you lousy sons 'a bucks"!
"Oh dearest mum we wanted some, for we'd had quite a few,
But we would never dare to take The Kettle of Purloined Stew"

She quickly rang the copper gang and they answered soon the call
But plain it was she told the fuzz, there's nothing gone at all
"They had a need just for a feed, some gravy they did strew"
"I'd roast the swine that took me fine 'ol Kettle of Purloined Stew"

Darlin' Claire is unaware what happened that fine day
Or how the pot still piping hot could simply walk away
No dog nor cat nor burglar fat nor anyone else knew
A mystery for history, The Kettle of Purloined Stew

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