SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, But Rita Got Returned To Wal-Mart OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A Nebraska woman who received an ornate box for Christmas and returned it to Wal-Mart without looking inside discovered later it contained the ashes of her recently deceased sister, a newspaper reported on Friday.  Judy Money received the box as a gift from her brother who lives in Iowa.  But after unwrapping the package on Christmas Eve she saw the box had a broken knob and decided to return it to Wal-Mart without ever looking at the contents inside, the Omaha World-Herald reported.  When Money later confessed to her brother that she had returned his gift, he told her the box contained the ashes of their sister, who had died Dec. 11, the Herald said.  Marvin Tippery, Money's brother, told the Herald he was shocked when he found out she had returned the box.  "No, no, you didn't! Your sister was in there," the Herald quoted him as telling Money.  Money told the Herald she made a mad dash back to Wal-Mart, but the box had already been thrown out with the trash.  Money and her brother finally found the box on Thursday amid trash piles at an area landfill.  "My prayers have been answered," she told the Herald.  "Just the thought of having her in the dump was awful."


Judy's Afraid of Wal-Mart by derrymacash

derrymacash's Comments:  Trust the journalists to get the wrong end of the stick!  This was not a callous, unthinking act.  You see, as the following little ditty points out, Judy had little option other than to reject her poor sister's final remains.  To the tune of that schmaltzy Dolly Parton classic (?!), "Jeannie's Afraid Of The Dark".  If you're not familiar with the song, then you're one lucky 'catter, but the following won't make much sense.  Probably a small price to pay.  (Sorry Dolly, but it's just about as excruciatingly awful as "Old Shep" or "Put My Little Shoes Away"!)  Ladeeez and gennilmen, I give you -

Her two little feet would come running into
Our bedroom almost every night
Her soft little cheeks would be wet from her tears
Her little heart pounding with fright
In a voice racked with sobs, she'd cry and explain
"A shop nightmare woke me with a start.
Oh Mummy and Daddy, can I sleep with you?
Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart."

One day in the summer we went to the mall
And we parked in an excellent spot
But Judy refused to abandon the car
She'd stay where she was, though real hot
We pleaded and begged, but she shook her wee head
"From this vehicle I will not depart
Mummy and Daddy, please don't make me shop
Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart"

(Spoken in a trembly, breathy, voice)
Judy was always afraid of Wal-Mart
And we could never understand why
Cos we always bought her her very favourite things there
For Judy was our most spoilt child
If it hadn't been for that wretched irrational fear
Then the ashes thing wouldn't have happened
No-one was to know, I guess
But when she thought the box was from Wal-Mart, she panicked
Took us two days to find those ashes
I spray painted "Not from Wal-Mart"
All over her poor dead sister's ashes
Cos Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart

Judy's afraid of Wal-Mart

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