SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers.  The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria.  Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set.  The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World.  The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch.  The identity of the couple has not been revealed.


The Jolly Woodsman by derrymacash
(And here is that one more! A parody of "The Gentleman Soldier" as recorded by – amongst others – the Dubliners and the Pogues. The tale has a twist which differs from the original)


It's of a jolly woodsman as he's strolling through a glade
He cast his eyes about him and espied a pretty maid
Her cheeks were red as roses, her breasts were pert and fat
And on her head the maiden wore a woollen bobble-hat

"Hello my jolly woodsman" the maiden then did say
"Where are you in a hurry on this fine, warm summer's day"
He said "I'm for the tavern. But kindly tell me what
Possesses you in summertime to wear a bobble-hat?"

"This bobble-hat you mention has come across the sea.
My aunt who lives in Holland has knitted it for me.
I wear it in all seasons, to prohibit a mishap
For this yoke you call a bobble-hat is in fact a fine Dutch cap!"

"I fear you are mistaken" the woodsman then did say
"For though I am no expert, I would bet a full week's pay
That the object you are wearing upon your curly pow
Would not prevent conception, be it used no matter how"

"Well, then, me jolly woodsman, shall we put it to the test"
Boldly spoke the maiden and she started to divest
Off came skirt and petticoat, the latter dyed blood-red
But the maiden's woollen bobble-hat remained upon her head

All night they tossed and tumbled till the morning did appear
And the woodsman rose, put on his clothes and said "Farewell my dear
I have well enjoyed your favours" and he gave her arse a pat
"And I'm sure you won't get pregnant since you wore your bobble-hat"

When nine months had been and gone the maiden she was shamed
She bore a little woodsman and she didn't know his name
She cried "I've learnt the hard way, I've learnt the lesson that
You cannot make a Dutch cap from a woollen bobble-hat"

And woe and lamentation and misery and pain!
I'll never know a single day of happiness again
For I have been deserted and cruelly betrayed
By a jolly woodsman who wandered through my glade

Then striding through the clearing, the woodsman did appear
And swept the maiden off her feet and said "My sweetheart dear
You think that I've deserted, that I've been a dirty rat
But I wouldn't leave the girl I love in her woollen bobble-hat!"

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