SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms.  The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same.  But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe.  More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge.  It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George.  A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement.  She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts.  "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh."  And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass.  They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible".  Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend".  He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend.  "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families.  "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."


Jolie All Saints' Hawker Lass by Genie
(Tune:  Jolly Old St. Nicholas)

Jolie All Saints' Hawker Lass scanned her rear this way.
(Some folks sell with jingle bells, Virgin with horseplay!)
Her Christmas ad is airing soon, and to boost our bottom line,
If you'll Xerox your derri�re, I will fax you mine!

When the mood strikes everyone (chemically enhanced),
On the copier strong and clear we'll all drop our pants.
When all the shocking private parts are pictured in a row.
Sir Dick's will be the shortest one. (Don't ask me how I know.)

Johnny is a hairy ape; Susie's cheeks are red;
Jenny wants her picture took with her wings wide-spread.
As for me, that "morals clause," is sticking in my craw.
(Booze for me---perhaps applause?---might make me test that law.)

Lawyer grinches, sticks up ass, mean to bar our way.
"Why don't you stick to good, old-fashioned mistletoe?" they say.
The Christmas cleavage canceled now, quoth our VP, Stan:
"Come kiss me 'neath this mistletoe I hold above my can."

Copyright 2001 Jeanene Pratt

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