I've Got What It Takes by Tinker


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The Song Challenge: But I Want To Get To Know You . . . (Hove, East Sussex, England) A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers. The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind. Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends. They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like. The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters. Mr. McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume. Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless. The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time." A council spokesman said: "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it."

I've Got What It Takes by Tinker

Tinker's Comments: With apologies to Virginia Liston and Clarence Williams

I've got what it takes, and it breaks my heart that blind men can't see
It's in demand and it's something that's commanding a fee
I've been saving it up for a mighty long time
To miss your sweet way would be more than a crime
I'll take your hand, You feel my nibs
And all of your small change shall I get

If you can look in my bankbook, I'll never let you feel my purse
Daddy, take your hands away, I believe in blindmen first
Now you want my honey and it's my plan
To save it all for a real blind man
I've got what it takes and it breaks my heart that blindmen can't see