SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites.  The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding.  A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up."  "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that.  So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection."  Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition.  "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it.  It's all part of the Christmas tradition.  However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.


In Freeport's Retail Centre by derrymacash
(To the tune of "Once In Royal David's City")

In a Freeport retail centre
Stood a Santa dressed in red
Till some local problem children
Danced a hornpipe on his head
As he chuckled "Ho ho ho"
Santa bled into the snow

How he came to work for Freeport
None who knows him cares to say
He signed up for the festive season
But he lasted just a day
Had he known what lay ahead
He'd have likely stayed in bed

Terrorised by tots and toddlers
Making Santa's life a hell
Now he's hiding in his grotto
It's become a prison cell
No remission, no parole
The horror gnawing at his soul

Then at last the final onslaught
Two full hours the battle raged
Santa's holed up in his grotto
While the kids outside rampaged
Till at last the kids invaded
Santa's captured and paraded

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