SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Sometimes I Feel Like Felon, Sometimes I Don't (Hurricane, Utah) - Inmate Brian McCluskey, serving a one-year jail sentence for attempted possession of methaphetamine, believed he had found heaven at the Purgatory Correctional Facility. A bag of M&Ms he earned for helping with chores at the jail was thought to be the million-dollar winner of a national contest.  Deputy Julie Pugmire gave the candy to McCluskey as a reward for helping her pass out commissary items. When he opened the bag, the 27-year-old found candies that were sky blue, white, purple - colors he'd never seen before. Other inmates told him he might have won M&Ms' "Fix-Up the Mix-Up" contest, which they had seen advertised on television.  Sheriff Kirk Smith told The Associated Press that he was sure that the inmate had won the contest. "We're confident he has the bag advertised as the winning bag. It was put in property then given to his wife."  But Mars Inc., said that only one of the bags has a game piece that identifies the winner. The million others get a 16 ounce bag of candy.   The bag was being kept in a safe-deposit box until it was authenticated. The Mars company later said that McCluskey wasn't the Grand Prize Winner after all -- only one of a million First Prize winners -- who only get a free bag of M&M's, not the million dollars McCluskey thought he'd won. 

I Held You Near My Heart (But You Melted In My Hand) by Dharmabum
(Tune:  Almost any Country-Western tune will do)

Dharmabum's Comments:  I thought it might be time for a country western tearjerker. 

I'm tossin' and I'm turnin',
And I'm tryin' to do my best, 
But the clanging sound of prison doors, 
Just keeps me from my rest, 
And that lightbulb in the hallway, 
Casts a shadow on the floor, 
I got 20 years & lost my name, 
Now I'm inmate 224. 

I've had bad luck & trouble, 
Since the day that I was born, 
My daddy ran a dirt farm, 
And drank liquor squeezed from corn, 
My Ma and Pa were cousins, 
Twice removed or so they say, 
I got hooked on methamphetimine, 
That's why I'm here today. 

Chorus:
I got a bag of M&Ms, 
Just the other day, 
And inside was the grand prize, 
That Mars was givin' way, 
You tell me it melts in my mouth, 
That's why I can't understand, 
I held my prize close to my heart, 
And it melted in my hand. 

I miss the way you'd hold me, 
When we'd ride around at night, 
Cause the pickup had no seatbelts, 
So you had to hold on tight, 
I was runnin' her on retreads, 
The brakes were OK more or less, 
But when we hit that candy truck, 
It made a chocolate mess. 

We were plannin' to get married, 
But you're dead now so we can't, 
And I miss you almost half as much, 
As the boys down at the plant, 
And I feel just like a peanut, 
In a candy coated shell, 
But instead of meltin' in your mouth, 
I'm sittin' in this cell. 

Chorus:
I got a bag of M&Ms, 
Just the other day, 
And inside was the grand prize, 
That Mars was givin' way, 
You tell me it melts in my mouth, 
That's why I can't understand, 
I held my prize close to my heart, 
And it melted in my hand. 

Yea I held my prize close to my heart, 
And....it....melted....in....my....hand. 

(Spoken:  Goodnight all you buckaroos & buckarettes. )

Back to Top