SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:  The Man Who Wanted To Be King . . . Of The Jungle, That Is -- (August 2001) SAN DIEGO, CA. -- A San Diego computer programmer who has spent �100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a 'tiger' wants a fur graft.   ( Click here for his picture)  Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point.  His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws.   He says he feels like a tiger.  The short back-and-sides he sported at the University of California has been replaced with a long orange mane.  He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses.  He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl.  He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig.  Mr. Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting.  I want these grafted on to me.  It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it.   When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life."  'Cat Man' admits "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that's the effect I desire.   For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one."  "It's the real me.  So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends.   Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it.  I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading.  I am really proud of it all.".


If I Were a Sabre-Tooth by Amos
(Tune: If I Were A Carpenter)

Amos' Comments:  A hasty offering at the Altar of Feminininininity . . .

If I were a sabre-tooth
And you were a lady,
Could I join in your fantasy ---
Maybe make a baby?

If I were a Bengal strong
With the wild tail flowing,
Would you ride me through the night,
Down the wild trails going?

Homo sap's a bummer rap
Full of loss and sorrow
Let me be your cat tonight.
I'll eat you up tomorrow!

If I were a man-eater
In the fields of Puna
Would you drive me wild each night,
With the smell of tuna?

Does it sound insane to you,
Being propositioned,
By a tiger in a man's dull form,
Needing a physician?

Homo sap's a bummer rap
Full of loss and sorrow
Let me be your cat tonight.
I'll eat you up tomorrow!

Let me tear you limb from limb,
Feel your fear necrotic!!
Some how this is very cool,
Even though psychotic!
Even though psychotic . . .
Even though psychotic.

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