SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Challenge:  To write a song about -- Free Outfits For Nude Shoppers -- An Austrian clothing chain is offering shoppers $385 worth of free clothes if the customer enters the store completely naked.   Streakers must make it as far as the checkout counter of any Kleider Bauer outlet, where they'll be greeted with a towel to cover up as well as a voucher to buy clothes for the trip home, the department store said in a statement last week.  However, fearing an onslaught of shoppers from a nation not averse to baring all in public, only the first five strippers of the day at each of the 40 department stores will be rewarded.   Naturally the store stands to win no matter what. One commentator noted that obviously more than 5 will show up to win, and those nudes will want to buy some clothes so they can leave with what little dignity they may have intact.   No doubt, plenty of gawkers will show up to oggle the streakers, and they'll probably feel compelled to buy some clothes as well. And then of course, there's the owner who thought it all up who'll not only enjoy extra sales, but will get a free show as well.

If I Gave Free Clothes To You by Amos
(Tune: If I Gave My Love to You, Beatles)

If I gave free clothes to you 
Would you promise to come through 
Without a 
Single stitch?
I've tried raising sales before,
Using posters on the door 
And I've found that it's a bitch

If I gave free clothes 
To you 
I must be sure 
From the very start 
That you 
Won't fall apart like they 
Cuz I don't want bad PR 
And I 
Will get canned if this campaign 
Goes astray!

If I give free clothes 
Oh, please 
Stay composed and calm 
And don't flirt with girls 
Or you boyfriend Tom, for me 
Cuz the whole thing could get wrecked 
And I 
Will get hung if you walk in 
All erect!

So I hope you see 
That I 
Would love to clothe you 
And that we 
Would love to see you nude 
If I gave free clothes to youuuuuuuu!

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