SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms.  The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same.  But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe.  More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge.  It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George.  A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement.  She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts.  "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh."  And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass.  They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible".  Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend".  He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend.  "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families.  "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."


Deda's Comments:  These are all so hilarious I really am LOL at my desk, causing workers to look askance. My only public excuse is that it's Christmas Eve and my SON is arriving from France tonight, for two weeks, so I'm actually too giddy to be at work at all, although I have a lot to do –– too much.  I haven't had time, or for some reason haven't seemed able to finish a proper entry but here are my fragmented beginnings. My own creative well is a little dry for some reason so I'd invite anyone so moved to add verses.

#1:

I Didn't Take This Job To Be A Stripper by Deda
(Tune:  I Didn't raise my boy to be a soldier; Lyrics by the office prude, Miss Grundy)

I didn't take this job to be a stripper
I took this job to earn my daily bread
Who dares to ask me to pull down my zipper
And bare my derriere without a thread?
Let workers moderate their drinking habits
It's time to put the booze and punch away!
There'd be no lawsuits, sir,
If workers would aver
I didn't take this job to be a stripper!


#2:

(Tune:  Brennan on the moor)

It's of a poor accountant, a story I will tell
His name was Mr. Brennan and in Trowbridge he did dwell
It was at an office party that he lost his young career
Showing off his assets to many a laughing leer

It was Brennan on the glass
Brennan on the glass
Cold, bare and unbuttoned sat young Brennan on the glass!

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