SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   This Challenge! was sent in by Mudcatter Jeri a while back and should definitely be considered an "urban legend" (as in, don't believe everything you read *BG*).   TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is countersuing for defamation and loss of customers.  The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.   Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice, giving chic Tokyo urbanites the ability to sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer. The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even though the beer company has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.  It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.   "Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximise the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune," said Mr Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.   Mr. Otoma apparently took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of one customer's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes. When the club's security staff showed up, he turned his attentions to them, giving the head bouncer no choice but to tackle Mr Otoma, knocking his legs from under him.  Said the club's manager, "It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette . . . The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his oesophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."   Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.

The Human Hydrogen Bomb by Dharmabum
(Tune:  The Daring Young Man On The Flying Trapeze)

Across the deep ocean, 
In a place called Japan, 
Where they sing karaoke, 
And drink beer in a can, 
He's a legend about town, 
An infamous man, 
He's the human hydrogen bomb. 

Now don't stand too closely, 
When he passes gas, 
He's singed off the eyebrows, 
Of a Japanese lass, 
This next karaoke, 
May just be his last, 
He's the human hydrogen bomb.

He sings like a munchkin, 
And burps like a jet, 
Compared to this guy, 
Godzilla's all wet, 
He just hasn't finished, 
Off Tokyo yet, 
He's the human hydrogen bomb. 

When he's finished drinking, 
There's smoke round his head, 
He puts out the fire, 
And crawls off to bed, 
I guess he should drink, 
Wild Turkey instead, 
He's the human hydrogen bomb. 

Now as it so happened, 
On one fateful night, 
He was singing off key, 
And it caused a big fight, 
He swallowed a stogie, 
And the gas did ignite, 
He's the human hydrogen bomb. 

Now he's hired some lawyers, 
To sue everyone, 
Cause singin' & flamin', 
Just stopped being fun, 
When there's one in the chamber, 
And you are the gun, 
You're the human hydrogen bomb. 

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