How Can I Cope? by derrymacash


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Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers. The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria. Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set. The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World. The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch. The identity of the couple has not been revealed.

How Can I Cope? by derrymacash
(For all my crowing and bumming about having polished off "Cold Blow And The Rainy Night", I had a wee reminder that I left out parodying one song. Help! I can't cope! (Johnny Cope that it is!)

Johnny's sent a message to his girl
Sayin' my flag of love I will unfurl
Shall we give the woods a whirl
Before the break of mornin'?

CHORUS:
How can I cope, I am fit to burst
Like an alcoholic with a thirst
With a need for lovin' I am cursed
Let's go to the woods before the mornin'

When Jenny heard her Johnny's plea
She dressed herself most splendidly
And for the woods did quickly flee
To join her love before the mornin'

CHORUS

Johnny be as good as your word
And run me through with your long pork sword
Do not leave me wantin' more
When the night blends into mornin'

CHORUS

When Johnny Cope he heard of this
He hugged his Jenny and he gave a kiss
And soon he sprung in readiness
For a night of love till mornin'

CHORUS

But as he grabs her and he takes a hold
Jenny shivers with the cold
And Johnny fears that he'll score no goal
A cold old night till the mornin'

CHORUS

The threat of cold fills the pair with dread
No nocturnal lovin', slinkin' home instead
Till a bright idea enters Jenny's head
And they're set to make love until the mornin'

CHORUS

For Jenny has a hat with a bobble sewn
And it's over her ears she pulls it down
And Johnny whispers "It's a crown
And you'll be my queen till the mornin'"

CHORUS

Fye now Johnny, get up and run
For the security guard is makin' a din
The pair of us with nothing next our skin
We'll be in jail in the mornin'

CHORUS

But Johnny says we'll stay our ground
For I'll not be scared by that feeble clown
If he lays a finger, then his face I'll pound
Till his mother wouldn't know him in the mornin'!

CHORUS