Handy by SharonA


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The Song Challenge: The Love That Bites The Big One: Police in North Platte, Nebraska, have a case with bite. They were called to the home of a 55-year-old woman who dropped her false teeth in the toilet, after she had been partying and drinking with her boyfriend. The toilet backed up and the boyfriend called a plumber. The plumber charged $50 to retrieve the dentures, which the boyfriend paid. But the boyfriend refused to give the teeth to woman until he was paid back. That's where the cops come in. The woman called police, saying she didn't have the money and couldn't eat without her teeth. Police say they sat the two down and had the pair work out deal. She signed an IOU and he gave back the choppers.

Handy by SharonA
(Tune: "Brandy" by Looking Glass)

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo)

There's a pot where the keesters stay
And put turds, a hundred sh*ts a day.
Lady's suitors pass their slime away
And gawk at "Better Homes".

This old girl's in a party gown
And she flushed both her dentures down.
Called a handyman to come around.
He heard her whimper and whine:

"Oh, plumber, you're handy.
Could you find, sir, (could you fiiiind, sir)
Where my good teeth they could be?" (could you fiiiind, sir)
Yeah, he tried to deal her dentures
For a fee.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo dee)
Hand he put right down the drain
To the teeth that stuck there when she's pulled the chain.
Her pocket had not the gain
That the man demanded of

The dame. "What a bummer! Pray,
Where's a gift of cash to pay?"
This she said unclearly (couldn't say
No proper words with gums).

The plumber's so handy,
He could find pearls (he could fiiiind pearls)
Where a good ripe sh*t would be. (he could fiiiind pearls)
But his livelihood came from ladies
Such as she.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo)

He planned; he'd use the wad for buys
When he sold this sale so gory.
He could feel the old sh*t in incis-ors,
Heard her great sob-story.
But he had always sold the tooth
When it flushed down johns and jammed,
And, man, she'd flushed the best teeth in the land.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo doo)
The right boyfriend came around,
Handed bucks to the sly old scound-
-rel. Does he let her have her brown Teeth? Does he cheer her? Nay!

The boyfriend said, "Hand me
What is mine, girl. (what is miiiine, girl)
For your good teeth, pay a fee (what is miiiine, girl)
Or your mouth is gummy. So hate me.
They're not free!"

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo doo)

"Hand me
What is mine, girl. (what is miiiine, girl)
For your good teeth, pay a fee (what is miiiine, girl)
Or your mouth is gummy. So hate me.
They're not free!"