SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Not one to let you Challenge!rs rest on your laurels (or cow chips, as the case may be), here's a great two-fer-one Challenge! from myself and the doesterr.  You have a choice here -- you can write a song about either of these topics, OR, you can write a song that includes both topics, thus qualifying for the Two-Fer-One Award! 

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(This one is from doesterr) 

Do You Know The Way To San Jose?  This could only happen in California....(true story) -- Car Jacking Foiled: An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found four unknown males in her car.  She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she "knows how to use it and that she will if required... so get out of the car! "   The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.   Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition.  Her car was an identical model and was parked four or five spaces further down.  She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.  The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white woman...no charges were filed. 

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And here's mine: 

Car 54 - Where Are You?  Pensioners cause mayhem in police car - Police are investigating how two 76-year-old women got hold of a squad car and drove it with sirens blaring and lights flashing - before crashing it.  The little old ladies were "Citizens on Patrol" volunteers who drive around Beloit, Wisconsin, looking out for suspicious behaviour - but they are NOT supposed to drive squad cars.  They were asked to go to the scene of an accident to help control traffic but ended up in the police squad car instead of one of the unmarked police cars they normally use, according to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.  Shirley Nelson and neighbour Jeune Nelson kept the radio on during the incident and were heard asking each other for directions.  Their adventure ended when they went through a red light and hit an oncoming car.  Neither woman was hurt but Shirley received a ticket for failing to drive safely.  The Citizens Patrol programme has been suspended pending an inquiry.  "I want to know who sent two little old ladies out in a squad car with a shotgun," says Rock County district attorney David O'Leary.  He is reviewing the case to see if criminal charges might be brought.

Granny's Nightmare Song by Bradypus
(Tune:  The Nightmare Song, from Iolanthe by Gilbert and Sullivan (more or less))

When you've been to the shops to buy kidneys and chops, and to stock up on beer and tobacco
And the checkout queue's long, with the usual throng, and the Austrian nude shoppers look wacko
When your bags are all packed, and you feel really whacked, as you look for your car for a minute
What you spy makes you think that you're worse for the drink, for there's four hunky fellows sat in it
So you reach for your gun, which you wave, and they run, and you load the stuff in slow and silent
Then you put in the key, it won't turn, deary me, you get out, and the number is different
So it's out of the car, and it's not very far till you spot your own car quietly standing
And you feel such a fool (which you don't as a rule), and 'what's next to do?' you're demanding
So it's down to the nick, making time double quick to confess to the cops all your folly
And the four hunks are there, as you sit in the chair, and the sergeant thinks this is so jolly
Still he mutters 'no charge', as relief this is large, so you're free to go back to your motor
But a squad car sits there, and you think it is fair that to drive off in that's what you ought'ter
So the siren blares loud as you drive through the crowd, you decide that you're neighbourhood watching
Search for robbers and thieves and don't give them reprieves, for the lot you sure want to be catching
And you break up a fight between bunnies, that's right and it doesn't seem odd when you do it
And a garden gnome stealer is there with his dealer, another one caught who will rue it
Then you're called to a crime which seems right at the time about beer and a traffic controller
But a munchkin that swings by his neck loudly sings that you're car has become a hot roller
Then the car's a PC that's possessed, as you see, by some newfangled devilish virus
But St Pat's eating beef, so he gives no relief, we need something new to inspire us
Maybe birds that don't sing when they're up on the wing 
Or cocks with no head who'd be better off dead
Or a startled old moose who kicks cars on the loose
Or some boring old men watching sap now and then
Or a Mardi parade where your underwear's laid
Or Twinkies you like when the maker's on strike
Or songs about food, for these always sound good
Or tiples, or possums, or taverns with Jello or wondering where it's all at
Are you mad or insane? Is it all in the brain? Or a regular day at the Mudcat?

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