SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   He's A Long, Tall Surgeon -- (Indianapolis, IN) A spokesperson for the MidWest Medical Center announced today that the hospital would remove all spittoons from its surgical intensive care unit, following complaints by patients. "This has all been a colossal misunderstanding, and we want to put it behind us", said hospital spokesman Henry O'Toole. According to O'Toole, the 19th century-style saliva receptacles had been placed in the intensive care unit by Dr. Nick Testa, a staff surgeon. Anonymous sources within the hospital described Dr. Testa's reputation as a surgical "cowboy", a part he had increasingly tried to play to the maximum. "First people were just referring to him as a 'cowboy' because he basically took anyone to the OR, no matter what their problem was", said the source. "Then about five years ago, he started wearing hand-tooled cowboy boots...OK, lots of surgeons do that." Apparently several staff were upset when Dr. Testa tried last month to operate on a patient wearing a Lone Ranger style mask, after earlier wearing a bandana pulled up over his handlebar moustache, instead of a standard surgical mask. "He was just yelling: 'This IS my mask, this IS my mask', when they tried to get him out of the OR", according to Sally Stevens, a MidWestern scrub nurse. Many staff members regarded as amusing Testa's practice of carrying his stethoscope in a holster, drawing it with a rapid motion when he intended to examine a patient. However, when Testa brought three large brass spittoons into the surgical intensive care unit, patients and their families began to complain. Testa's habit of chewing tobacco and spitting towards the spittoons reportedly became increasingly disruptive to intensive care unit staff, who frequently had to change intravenous lines and dressings when Testa missed his mark. According to O'Toole, Dr. Testa is currently on vacation in Montana, and so is unavailable for comment.


Goodbye Spitoon by JenEllen
(Tune: Goodbye Old Paint)

Oh when I'm fired
Take my diploma from the wall
Get my stethoscope and throw it in the hall
My spitoon's in the garbage
For everyone to pass
10 years of med school and I'm out on my ass

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some quacks do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west

I could handle everything
Appendectomies to colds
Now I'm hired for birthday parties
For five year olds
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

Nobody liked it in exams
When the juice'd just spurt
I'd say "Hand over your tonsils
And no one gets hurt"
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

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