SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, But Rita Got Returned To Wal-Mart OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A Nebraska woman who received an ornate box for Christmas and returned it to Wal-Mart without looking inside discovered later it contained the ashes of her recently deceased sister, a newspaper reported on Friday.  Judy Money received the box as a gift from her brother who lives in Iowa.  But after unwrapping the package on Christmas Eve she saw the box had a broken knob and decided to return it to Wal-Mart without ever looking at the contents inside, the Omaha World-Herald reported.  When Money later confessed to her brother that she had returned his gift, he told her the box contained the ashes of their sister, who had died Dec. 11, the Herald said.  Marvin Tippery, Money's brother, told the Herald he was shocked when he found out she had returned the box.  "No, no, you didn't! Your sister was in there," the Herald quoted him as telling Money.  Money told the Herald she made a mad dash back to Wal-Mart, but the box had already been thrown out with the trash.  Money and her brother finally found the box on Thursday amid trash piles at an area landfill.  "My prayers have been answered," she told the Herald.  "Just the thought of having her in the dump was awful."


Ashes to Ashes Funk to Funky by derrymacash

derrymacash's Comments:  A one-off diversion into a parody of an 80s pop song - David Bowie's Ashes to Ashes - I should really stick with stuff I'm familiar with - I'm far happier tearing the ass out of The Ducks of Magheralin or Phil The Fluter's Ball or Nell Flaherty's Drake. But there you go. How could anyone resist parodying "Ashes to Ashes" in this thread?  By the way - if you think the following is a tad oblique, you ought to read the original!

Do you remember your sister, Jude?
I moved out to Iowa
I got a pain in my chest today
Oh no, don't say it's true
I got a visit from the Reaper Grim
I'm happy, hope you're happy too
Got a call to come pick you up
Sordid details following

This perpetual nothing is killing me
Pictures of suburbs replaying
Too little money and way too much hair
It's time to get going

Ashes to ashes funk to funky
Judy chucked me on the junkheap
Better kiss heaven bye bye
I'm at an all-time low

Time and again I tell myself
They'll find me tonight
But the passing of time just deepens me
Oh no, not again
I'm stuck with a dead rat again
I'm happy, hope you're happy too
One lick of flame and I'm like a smoking pistol

I never done good things
I never done bad things
Relocated to Iowa out of the blue
Which I'd listened to mum's advice
I want to come home right now

Ashes to ashes funk to funky
Judy chucked me on the junkheap
Better kiss heaven bye bye
I'm at an all-time low

My mama said you'll not go far
If ever you move to Iowa
(repeat ad nauseam)

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