SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   When Pigs Fly OR Never Say Never Again (Philadelphia PA) In a bizarre episode that rattled flight attendants and embarrassed airline officials, a 300-pound pig was put in the first-class cabin of a US Airways Boeing 757 and flown with 200 other passengers on a nonstop six-hour flight across the country from Philadelphia to Seattle. All went well, for most of the flight.  Somehow, the pig's owners, described as two women, one in her 30s, the other a senior citizen, convinced the airline that it was a "therapeutic companion pet," like a guide dog for the blind.  "I guess it was supposed to be a Seeing Eye pig," a witness aboard the flight said. "Frankly, I couldn't tell what kind of therapeutic service it was providing. All I know is, it was ugly, and it pooped."  A chagrined airline spokesman provided few details. "We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again," US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said. "Let me stress that. It will never happen again."  An internal report said the owners said they had a doctor's note that required them to fly with the animal, and that they described pig as weighing only 13 pounds, so based on this info, authorization was given," the report said. Witnesses said the pig's owners exhibited no obvious impairments.  "I'd estimate 300 pounds," one source aboard the flight said. "It took four people to wheel it in, past security and to the gate. And they were struggling."  Though flight attendants objected, the pig was cleared for takeoff and seated on the floor, in the first row of first class. It was so big, much of its bulk extended into the aisle, according to the report.  "It didn't smell; it was a clean pig," a witness on the flight said. "It slept almost the whole time."  Few passengers complained. It wasn't till the aircraft taxied into Seattle that the pig wreaked havoc.  Squealing loudly, it ran loose through the aircraft and tried to enter the cockpit. It finally found refuge in the food galley, where it refused to budge.  Finally, the pig was lured from the galley with food.  Then, the owners -- struggling to control the pig -- dragged it out of the aircraft and into the Jetway.  That's where it left its mess.  "Another passenger on the flight advised pig owner that she picked up her pig's feces and she was not happy about that," the report stated.  "Once the pig was off aircraft, another passenger had to push while the two women pulled to get it in the elevator. "The whole time, the pig was squealing so loudly everyone in the terminal heard it."  Federal Aviation Administration officials in Seattle said they were unfamiliar with the incident, but said they would investigate.


From A Distance by Jeri

Jeri's Comments:  I somehow missed this one. Better late than never. (With apologies to Julie Gold - and this great song has already been parodied to pieces.)

From a distance the world looks very small and I look very big
From a distance I wonder why I'm here - pigs don't fly, and I'm a pig
From a distance would you please explain Just how I got so high?
Would you put me down back on the ground
I'm a pig and pigs don't fly.

From a distance the flight attendants cringe and wonder what I'll do
From a distance they all expect a pile of stinky piggy poo
From a distance the future looks quite bleak and a mess ahead does loom
Cause I have to sh*t and I cannot f*t
In that tiny little room

Pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us
From a distance

From a distance I can see the ground is getting closer fast
From a distance I hope we're landing soon, and my control will last
From a distance I see tarmac and the doors are open wide
Please hear, I say, and clear a way, and let me go outside

Pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us
From a distance

It's the cause of tears, it's the fear of fears,
In the hearts of everyman

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