SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Whoa, HOT PANTS! Good Lawd, That's Where It's At! -- Colorado Springs, Colorado, Jun 27, 2001 -- If you're thinking about going to the mall in that snappy aluminum-lined underwear in the back of your dresser drawer, think again.   Beginning Sunday, it will be illegal in Colorado to wear aluminum underwear.  OK, there's a caveat. You can wear aluminum briefs and lingerie as long as it's for personal amusement - but not if it is to help steal by foiling stores' anti-shoplifting devices.   The new law is no laughing matter ... really.  "This is serious business," said Sen. Stephanie Takis, one of the bill's sponsors.   "We have laws against using crowbars as theft devices, but if you were lining your underwear with aluminum foil, that was not a crime."  And by golly, said Takis, it should be.  She cited several Denver-area malls that have caught shoplifters with aluminum-lined shopping bags and even the so-called "iron pants" and could do nothing to stop it.   Steve Miller, an attorney who helped draft the bill:  "I don't know if it was the highlight of my career, but I got the assignment."  Miller said the bill went through several evolutions - "or devolutions depending on your viewpoint" - before it received Gov. Bill Owens' approval.  Essentially, it makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear if they intend to use it to fool stores' theft-protection devices.  Those devices electronically sense when merchandise leaving the store hasn't been handled by a cashier, and foil can interfere with that detection.   Miller said the new law also gives store employees civil and criminal immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk.


Flail Me by Codger Miller (aka Jack the Sailor)
(Tune: Dang Me by Roger Miller)

Well here I sit, gettin' ideas
Ain't nothing but a fool would dress like this
I don't want to work or toil
Gonads covered with aluminum foil

CHORUS:
Jail me, jail me
They oughta take a rope and flail me
The prisoners in the sell will nail me
Don't need to find a date for me

Just sittin' playing poker' with the rest of the guys
Bet ten cigarettes and I raised five
I lost my clothes but I got it made
The boys said they would take it out in trade.

(CHORUS)

They say prison is bad and it sure is hurtful
Tinfoil is hot and my balls are purple
Well I'm the most pop'lar pris'ner here
Because of my metal
Underwear

(CHORUS)

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