Ferret Prison Blues by Jack the Sailor


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The Song Challenge: From a recent National Public Radio show segment: Mr. Patrick Wright is serving time in the George F. Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, California for brandishing a knife at police and for illegal possession of ferrets. In California, unlike most states in the U.S., keeping ferrets as pets is illegal. He picked up the knife when the police burst through his door during a raid to take possession of his four pet ferrets. "I like to believe I live in a free country . . . in California . . . it's like we're dealing with Stalin . . . it's completely un-American," says Mr. Wright. His fellow inmates in the county jail at first didn't believe he'd been arrested for ferret possession. However, after they'd seen his picture in the local newspaper, they began calling him 'Ferretman'. He told the court that he is sorry about the knife incident, but still defends his right to keep ferrets. The appeal of ferrets he says, '. . . they're like little clowns . . . they're Prozac with legs." The Challenge is to write a song welcoming Mr. Wright home from the county jail and/or defending his right to keep ferrets!

Ferret Prison Blues by Jack the Sailor
(Tune: 'Folsom Prison Blues' by Johnny Cash)

Some times this institution; will drive you round the bend
Don't think this persecution is ever gonna end
Busted for possesion but it wasn't drugs
When I think of my confession, it makes my shoulders shrug

When we were in the pet store, my wife she told me. "Pat,
Don't you get a ferret, you can always get a cat."
But I bought 'em out in Reno, because I knew I could
And my neighbour blew the whistle, Just like I thought he would

I bet there's ferret owners, folks with lots of class
Drinking cups a coffee filtered through a civet's ass
I knew I took my knife out, tried to defend my rights.
The cops would try to jail me, because they don't like fights

When they free from this prison, when they let me out of hooch
I think I'll go and get me a friendly little pooch
And when I take my prozac, I'll take the drug store kind
Too many folks that know me, think that I've lost my mind