Close Encounters of the Hairy Kind by Hyperabid


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The Challenge: To write a song about -- The Norwegian Moose And His Road Rage -- DATELINE: OSLO, Norway -- Raymond Johansen isn't sure what to say on his insurance claim after a moose walked across his car and kicked in its windshield this weekend. Johansen and his girlfriend, Kristen, were driving home when they stopped for a moose on the highway. They thought they'd avoided a potentially deadly collision with the moose, which weighted about 400 kilograms (880 pounds); but, no such luck. Johansen recalled shouting "this can't be" when the moose walked across the car's hood and one of its feet came crashing through the windshield. Neither the couple nor the moose was injured. He said the moose may have been enraged by the bright lights of the car.

Close Encounters of the Hairy Kind by Hyperabid
(Tune: Hotel California)

On a dark Oslo highway
Watching Kristen do her hair
Should have kept my eyes on the road
(But) I was feeling devil make air
Up ahead in the distance
There is a turn to the right

So when I turned the corner
There was a moose was standing there
A real thug of the four-footed world
Looked at me with an 'ornery glare

I could hear Kristen a screaming from far away
When I ring my insurance agent
I can guess what he'll say…

He'll read the claim form and he'll say
"Don't take the piss mate"
This ain't an of God, this ain't a twist of fate
Hell stamp it 'No way!' and he'll say
"It's down to you mate…
If I were in your shoes…
Next time the train, I'd use"

So this beast is just stood there
In the beam of my lights
I've never seen a moose before
That looked more like he really would fight

All of sudden my SAAB has some spare ventilation
Must be the state of my pants fills her face with such indignation?

Kristen pinches her nose and she says
"Think it's goodbye, dear…
It's nothing personal…
But it smells in here…
You should've have known really love,
'cos though you have a very big car…
In your underwear….
There's so little there…"

So now you've heard my story
Please take my advice
Don't end up a prisoner chum
Of moose with lice
Keep your eyes on the road mate
And with a little luck

Your girlfriend might just choose to ignore
That your winkie is down on its luck