SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Here we go again, dear Challenge!rs  --  In celebration (not!) of yet another bloody slab leak under my new house (ah, the fond memories of jackhammers come flooding back to me . . .), I've picked a story about love, relationships, money, law enforcement, and toilets.   So, roll up your pant legs, sharpen your crayons, and unwind the TP to write your best song about   --   The Love That Bites The Big One:   Police in North Platte, Nebraska, have a case with bite.   They were called to the home of a 55-year-old woman who dropped her false teeth in the toilet, after she had been partying and drinking with her boyfriend.   The toilet backed up and the boyfriend called a plumber.   The plumber charged $50 to retrieve the dentures, which the boyfriend paid.   But the boyfriend refused to give the teeth to woman until he was paid back.   That's where the cops come in.   The woman called police, saying she didn't have the money and couldn't eat without her teeth.   Police say they sat the two down and had the pair work out deal.   She signed an IOU and he gave back the choppers.


Embraceable You by Jack the Sailor
(George and Ira Gershwin October, 1930 / Ruined by a fan, August 2001)

Verse 1

55-year old woman:

Dozens of beers would drink up;
I had to lock my bathroom door.
Somehow I had to throw up
a bit before.
What was it that caused me?
To barf my teeth in the latreen?
My loose gums told me
help is needed on the scene.
Lady, listen to the gurgle of my
Plumbing,
But why were you so mean.

Refrain 1:

Please help me ,
Oh loan me money please do
My dentures ,
Have been flushed down the lou
I was drinkin and got tipsy and sick
You and your plumber
Can get my teeth back real quick
I love all
The sexy buns about you
Above all,
I want my gums about you
Don't be a chincy boyfriend
Call a plumber - call a plumber - do!
I lost my teeth down the loo.

Verse 2:

Boy friend:

I've loaned you lots of money
And never got it back
And now it is so funny
that your jaw is slack
My nose I will be holding
As we retrieve your teeth
My kisses I'm withholding
I'm starting to believe
I'm afraid you'll have to pay me back
because
No mouthwash will relieve

Refrain 2:

Don't Kiss me,
You unkissable you
Don't Kiss me,
you quite dismissable you.
In your mouth I find a smell so unpalateable,
A stink so bad it drive me out of my skull
I'm afraid that you've got your mouth full
Of waste
And I must say I don't
Want to taste
You say kiss me I won't
Don't be a crazy woman
Pay me money pay me money do!
You had your teeth in the loo.

Encore refrain:

Woman:

Some boyfriend, I can't show my face around you
Oh boyfriend, what am I gonna do
I can't afford to pay you, So I'm gonna go
Cal the police cause I ain't got the dough

Cop:

I don't like
to get in domestic disputes.
But give he a chance to clean every tooth
Soak them in cheap tequila.
Kill the germs makem tasty too
Thats what you people should do

So now they're
back together again
And I'm finished
With this silly refrain
When I ridicule the classics
I hope you Gerswin's don't mind
That I chose your music this time
When I Act so deliriously,
Then who, sir,
Could take me seriously?
There's no one I'm more fond of,
But I had to make you Gerwhwin's spin, you
are so rotatable, too.

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