The Dung On My Sneakers by mousethief


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Punter Shop Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On Shoe -- SYDNEY (Reuters) - A glob of dog excrement on a Queensland robber's shoe has been used as evidence to identify him, landing him with a 10-year stretch for a betting shop hold-up on Australia's Gold Coast. Police said Thursday they had used enhanced photos from a security camera to match the pattern of excrement found at the crime scene to that on 26-year-old Jacob Smith's shoe. "It's not rocket science. It's as plain as poo on your shoe," police sergeant Alan Piper, a veteran scientific officer, was quoted by local media as saying. "It could have been one of a thousand or ten thousand shoes, but because that poo was there it was creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive identification." "I'd say there has been some more poo on the shoe but it has worn away," said Piper, who admitted to also doing a smell test. Smith, who had wrapped a sheet around his face to hide his identity during the heist, was jailed in June for 10 years and 10 months on charges of robbery, being armed and in company and unlawful use of a motor vehicle.

The Dung On My Sneakers by mousethief
(Tune: Son of a Preacher Man)

I'm Jacob Smith and a robber man
I'm stealin' everything I can
When I came into the betting shop
I had a sheet wound around my top
All's you could see was my eyes
But O Lord! to my surprise . . .

The only way they could ever catch me
Was the dung on my sneakers, man
They got a positive ID to match me
From the dung on my sneakers, man
Yes it was, it was, oh yes it was

Bein' a crook isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
But who'd'a thought the cops could ID me
From the shit that was nearly dry
I guess it must've left a trail
Now I'm sittin' here in jail
I'd be safe at home instead
Except for the turd on my Nike's tread

The only way they could ever catch me
Was the dung on my sneakers, man
They got a positive ID to match me
From the dung on my sneakers, man
Yes it was, it was, oh yes it was

Copyright ©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.