SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Dull Men of the World Unite -- LONDON (Reuters) - Now there's a Web site for the man who has everything except a life. Promising to free its readers from the pressures of trying to be "in and trendy," www.dullmen.com reviews dull books, tells dull jokes and lists dull events for every month of the year.  "In March, we like to watch maple trees during sugaring time.  Sap dripping just right to watch -- the right pace, the right suspense," suggests the site run by the U.S.-based National Council of Dull Men.  Laid out in shades of grey, black and white, it also offers a test with questions like "Do you like to watch airport luggage carousels?" and "Do you like English food?" to help readers find their true selves.

The Dullard's Complaint by Amos
(Tune:  The Frozen Logger)

As I came home one evening 
Prepared to count my socks 
I found a little letter in 
My little letter box

The letter was from Annie O., 
A single girl around 
She had agreed to meet me 
And go out on the town

My mind leapt with excitement! 
At last, at last, a start! 
I fancied the exciting things 
To do to win her heart

I thought she'd fancy walking out 
To see the trolleys run 
Or maybe counting parking spots 
In shopping malls for fun

I thought if she got tired, 
Perhaps we'd stop a while 
Inside the great Sears Tower 
And watch them sort and file!

My mind was full of wondrous things 
To her I could impart 
So she could see I was the kind 
To win her gentle heart

I knew pi to twenty places 
And the average weight of birds 
And the frequency of letters used 
In common English words

I knew the Dewey system 
To at least the fourth degree 
And the values of inflation 
Since 1943

But when I told her of my plans 
I feared I'd blown my chance 
She said she wanted dinner, 
And perhaps a place to dance!

But then she started talking 
And it made me start to smile 
This heaven sent companion 
Was intrigued by ceiling tile!

I knew I had a chance to shine 
She was the girl for me! 
She wondered how many holes they had 
And how they came to be!

I rose to the situation 
And explained the story clear 
The holes you think are random 
Are planned that way, my dear

They have a set of patterns 
They are numbered one through ten 
And they carefully combine them 
Then they start at one again

She gazed with fascination 
And love was in her gaze 
As I proudly explicated 
The tileman's crafty ways

I thought it was a sure thing 
We were bound our vows to make 
But after we'd had dinner 
Her sweet head began to ache

She begged me for forgiveness 
And complained about the pain 
And so instead of dancing 
I drove her home again

Although it saved some driving 
About 3 point 18 miles 
I never got to finish 
Explaining ceiling tiles

By the time we got to her front door 
The pain did make her moan 
So hastily did she run inside 
She forgot to leave her phone!

And so I haunt the dance halls 
And walk these streets, for miles 
Looking for a girl who wants 
To hear of ceiling tiles! 

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