Don't You Mess With Santa Claus by derrymacash


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E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites. The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding. A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up." "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that. So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection." Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition. "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it. It's all part of the Christmas tradition. However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.

Don't You Mess With Santa Claus by derrymacash
(Tune: No prizes for guessing the original which this parodies . . .)

derrymacash's Comments: Who knows . . . maybe Santa Claus will fight back!

If you're looking for trouble you came to the right place
If you're looking for trouble look right in my face
I'm not gonna take none of your crap
My daddy was a mean-eyed, no-nonsense Lapp

Yes I'm evil, I got fists the size of paws
Yes I'm evil, don't you mess with Santa Claus

You wanna spook me, I'll not be spooked
You start to rile me, your goose is cooked
No little kiddy takes me for a ride
First I'll clip your ear and then I'll tan your hide

Yes I'm evil, I get my kicks from kicking ass
Yes I'm evil, I'm not afraid of nursery class

So come and take me if you think you're tough
I'm up for a rumble if you're hard enough
I'll take you all, as on you come
And send you home in tears to your daddy and your mum

Yes I'm evil, my middle name is hard-as-nails
Yes I'm evil, I'll take the wind out of your sails