SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Beelzebub Bytes!   Forget about viruses and malicious hackers; the real threat these days is far more insidious. Your home computer may have the Devil in its data, say Reverend Jim Peasboro of Georgia. "... the Computer Age has ... opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls."   Rev. Jim says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," ... "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic Web sites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations."  "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally," he declared ... One woman ... confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'"   The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his horror, an artificial-intelligence program started spontaneously. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he said. Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.   "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" The minister estimates that one in ten computers in America now hosts some type of evil spirit. The Reverend advises anyone suspecting that their computer is possessed to consult a clergyman, or, if the computer is still under warranty, to take it in for servicing. "   Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently," he says.   However, there is some good news -- Only a PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit, the minister explained.


The Devil's Got My Gateway by Mbo

The Devil's got my Gateway 
And he haunts my internet 
The Devil's got my Gateway 
And he haunts my internet 
Folks say he's got more power here 
Than in my TV set

I was on my e-mail 
Just the other day 
I was on my e-mail 
Just the other day 
But all I gots were messages 
Sayin' things only Satan'd say

I went onto a website 
To buy a new horn 
I went onto a website 
Just to buy me a new horn, Lord 
But when the page it opened up 
It weren't nuffin' but porn

I tried to ICQ my man 
About our gig down at the pub 
I tried to ICQ my man 
About our gig down at the pub 
But all the names on my active list they changed 
To Satan, Old Nick and Beelzebub

Now my preacher man he told me 
The Devil's in the Internet 
Now my preacher man he told me 
The Devil's in the Internet 
Mephisto's behind it all 
And he's trying my soul to get

Now all I see all day on screen 
Is the flame and the sword 
Now all I see all day on screen 
Is the flame and the sword 
So I took myself a sharpened stake 
And drove it through that motherboard!!! 
DA DA DA 
DA DA DA 
DA DA DA 
DAT DAT DAT DAAAAAAA! UH!

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