SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Beelzebub Bytes!   Forget about viruses and malicious hackers; the real threat these days is far more insidious. Your home computer may have the Devil in its data, say Reverend Jim Peasboro of Georgia. "... the Computer Age has ... opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls."   Rev. Jim says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," ... "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic Web sites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations."  "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally," he declared ... One woman ... confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'"   The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his horror, an artificial-intelligence program started spontaneously. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he said. Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.   "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" The minister estimates that one in ten computers in America now hosts some type of evil spirit. The Reverend advises anyone suspecting that their computer is possessed to consult a clergyman, or, if the computer is still under warranty, to take it in for servicing. "   Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently," he says.   However, there is some good news -- Only a PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit, the minister explained.


When The Devil And The Kid Met Up by Lin in Kansas
(Tune:  The Devil Went Down To Georgia)

Lin in Kansas' Comments:  Oh, what the heck, I think I will--It's such a tiny little bit of plagarism, I feel sure no one will notice.  (Where'd that evil chuckle come from? BatCat, was that you?)   This is my last one, honest, I promise...unless of course, it's too late for my PC's innards already...what the heck is that playing on Real Audio? Weird accent, sorta Mesopotamian...? Nah, can't be.... Agggghhhhh!   Was that a naked possum that just flashed across my screen?   Ackkkkkkkk!  -- Lin (who is getting more nervous by the second...)


Well, the Devil went down to Georgia
He was workin' on a hacker's deal
He was on a roll stealin' PC's souls
Makin' virus scanners reel.
When he came across this young man surfin'
On the Web for interesting spots
And he slid in the wires and turned on the fires
And gave that kid the hots.

Ole Devil twisted and the kid's hand jerked
And without any hesitations
Next thing he knew he was witness to
Unspeakable abominations!
Buns and boobs and raunchy scenes
He'd never imagined before
Flashed across his screen while he turned pea-green
And his jaw dropped to the floor.

Devil whispered soft, "I can show you where
A million of these are.
You can spend your days in a horny haze
With porno movie stars!
All you have to do is buy a new drive
With a gig of storage or two
Load this small pro-gram that takes over your RAM
And let it talk to you."

But the kid was brave and he heard the lure
In old Satan's silky tone.
Though his brain was steamin' from mad wild dreamin'
And his groin was molten stone,
He yanked that plug from the surge protector
Picked up his PC and ran
Straight out of the house (draggin' the mouse)
And tossed it in the can.

The Devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid a golden CD 
On the ground at the young man's feet.
He said, "You've won this round for sure,"
Then he grinned an evil grin.
"But watch out boy, there's more'n one ploy
To lead you into sin."

The kid picked up the gold CD
And he spun it in the sun.
He told Old Scratch to take a hike
And find some other fun.
Then he broke that CD across his knee
And handed the pieces back.
Said "Take your minions with you Devil,
I'm switchin' to a Mac!"

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