SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms.  The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same.  But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe.  More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge.  It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George.  A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement.  She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts.  "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh."  And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass.  They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible".  Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend".  He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend.  "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families.  "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."


Dear Flabby by Clifton53
(Tune:  Dear Abby by John Prine)

Dear Flabby,Dear Flabby
My cheeks are too wide
See the flesh hangin' down off the copier's side
My friends even laid on some reinforced glass
But it broke when it realized the heft of my ass
Signed, Too Beefy

Too Beefy, Too Beefy, your fate it is plain
The good lord switched places with your ass and your brain
So listen up heifer and listen up well
Pull your damn britches up you're startin' to smell
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my office is whacked
Everybody down here is Xeroxing their crack
They've been asking me to participate
But I am too shy to because of my weight
Signed, Young Porker

Young Porker, Young Porker, don't make me get tough
Get up on that Danka and photog your duff
So listen up Chubby and listen up right
You won't make no headway by bein' uptight
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, I'm lean as a cat
And I wanna be just like Melanie Blatt
My friends all tell me "don't be in a rush"
But I just can't wait to show off my tush
Signed, Miss Starlet

Miss Starlet, Miss Starlet, you nasty 'lil witch
Cavorting around without wearing a stitch
Now listen up sister and listen up nice
Don't show no one nuthin' that's my good advice
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my life is just gone
I'm young and I'm wealthy but I'm all alone
My friends all tell me I'm so well endowed
Perhaps I've been hangin' out with the wrong crowd
Signed, Horse Hopper

Horse Hopper, Horse Hopper, it's never too late
But you won't catch no fish if you don't flash no bait
So listen up Buster and listen up sound
Just Xerox that thing with some ladies around
Signed, Dear Flabby

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