Brock's Farewell by derrymacash


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Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers. The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria. Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set. The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World. The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch. The identity of the couple has not been revealed.

Brock's Farewell by derrymacash
(To the tune of "Jamie Raeburn's Farewell")

Oh me name is Brock the badger and me tale begins forthwith
I've dug myself a bonny sett in the woods nearby Penrith
But the human being's antics have driven me awa'
Far from the hills and lakes and woods of dear ol' Cumbria

It's not the TV cameras that I abhor per se
It's not the TV lighting crew have sent me far away
But my poor wee suckling badgereens must not witness such a show
And so alas, with heavy heart from Cumbria I'll go

It was of a winter's evening the stars fair filled the sky
When a pair of human beings passed my home nearby
And rested for a moment, and then, sad to relate
Before my very eyes this pair began to copulate

On TV shows you humans sometimes see we badgers mate
"Life On Earth" and "Nature Watch" and others just as great
But the thing about we badgers is we tend to be discreet
We don't just waste our vital juice on any brock we meet

But this pair at my entrance put on a mighty show
With "God!" and "Yes!" and "Please!" and "Jesus Christ!" and "Ah!" and "No!"
To find out what was going on, the brockeens they were keen
All I could do to keep them from witnessing the scene

Oh me name is Brock the badger and me tale is at an end
I'm on the move this very night, God knows where my journey'll wend
But the human being's antics have driven me awa'
Far from the hills and lakes and woods of dear ol' Cumbria