SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:  The Man Who Wanted To Be King . . . Of The Jungle, That Is -- (August 2001) SAN DIEGO, CA. -- A San Diego computer programmer who has spent �100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a 'tiger' wants a fur graft.   ( Click here for his picture)  Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point.  His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws.   He says he feels like a tiger.  The short back-and-sides he sported at the University of California has been replaced with a long orange mane.  He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses.  He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl.  He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig.  Mr. Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting.  I want these grafted on to me.  It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it.   When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life."  'Cat Man' admits "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that's the effect I desire.   For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one."  "It's the real me.  So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends.   Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it.  I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading.  I am really proud of it all.".


Bitter Sweet Revenge by Áine
(Tune: If My Friends Could See Me Now from the musical 'Sweet Charity')

Áine's Comments:  This song is dedicated to some folks I used to know who hung out at the Baylor Hospital Mental Health Unit (but, that's another story . . .) -- Just a little reflection upon one of my mother's favourite sayings: "There's method in every madness." It's a little melancholy; but, just try and see it from 'Cat Man's' point of view. So, here goes:

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine,
Tattoed down to my yahzoo, batting balls of twine,
Like the sheep they are, they'd stand there and bleat,
When I unfurled my lips and showed them my teeth.
With nails six inches long, I'd rake the air with pride,
Then scratch my permafur where it's sewn to my hide,
They'll know who left that puddle 'neath the watercooler,
If my friends could see me now.

If they could smell my house, I know they'd twitch and shout,
"For God's sake, Dennis, won't you let that damn cat out!"
What a surprise for them, I'd be quite a hit,
When on all fours I squatted in my sand pit.
With scratches smooth as silk, I'd cover up my mess,
Then curl up in the bushes for a little rest,
I know their jaws would hit the ground, they'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now.

If they could just appear, the kids from P.S. 6,
The ones who threw the stones at me, and tossed the sticks,
They'd never recognize my stripe-ed redux,
My mighty roar would just reduce them to goo,
They'd quake inside their boots, break out in freezing sweat,
Do you think that I'd enjoy that scene? Oh yeah, you bet!
And when I raised my tail to scent my territory,
Oh, if my friends could see me now!

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