SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Here we go again, dear Challenge!rs  --  In celebration (not!) of yet another bloody slab leak under my new house (ah, the fond memories of jackhammers come flooding back to me . . .), I've picked a story about love, relationships, money, law enforcement, and toilets.   So, roll up your pant legs, sharpen your crayons, and unwind the TP to write your best song about   --   The Love That Bites The Big One:   Police in North Platte, Nebraska, have a case with bite.   They were called to the home of a 55-year-old woman who dropped her false teeth in the toilet, after she had been partying and drinking with her boyfriend.   The toilet backed up and the boyfriend called a plumber.   The plumber charged $50 to retrieve the dentures, which the boyfriend paid.   But the boyfriend refused to give the teeth to woman until he was paid back.   That's where the cops come in.   The woman called police, saying she didn't have the money and couldn't eat without her teeth.   Police say they sat the two down and had the pair work out deal.   She signed an IOU and he gave back the choppers.


Betty's Locked in the Loo by derrymacash
(To the tune of "Three Old Ladies Locked In The Lavatory")

CHORUS:
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
My girlfriend's false teeth are blocking the lavatory
They've been wedged since midnight on Saturday
We knew only too well where they were

At nine in the evening we started to boozing
There was plenty of choice and plenty of choosing
Our grip on reality we started losing
The night was becoming a blur

CHORUS

At ten by the clock she was feeling quite hammered
Becoming a mess, she stumbled and stammered
Of myself increasingly growing enamoured
But her courtship was lacking in flair

CHORUS

Eleven o'clock found her totally scuttered
She snorted and grunted, staggered and stuttered
The sort of a woman you'd find in the gutter
And of whom you'd incline to beware

CHORUS

At midnight my floozie was green round the gills
Her marathon gargling had rendered her ill
She made for the toilet, it was no time until
I heard her retching in there

CHORUS

When she emerged, looking pale, drawn and sweaty
I slurred from my seat, "What's up with you, Betty?
Facially you are looking less pretty.
What's been happening in there?"

CHORUS

She opened her mouth and I fathomed the reason
For the change in her looks, which was very displeasing
Her cheeks had collapsed, for she had no false teeth in
Her gums were all barren and bare

CHORUS

Her dentures dislodged with the force of her spew
And now they were wedged firmly stuck in the loo
We both tried to free them but nothing would do
The plumber was called in despair

CHORUS

On hands and on knees he delved and he hoaked
Through a mound of sick and a gallon of boke
But the bill he presented, I thought it a joke
I suggested the price was unfair

CHORUS

"Unfair?" said the plumber "I've earned every buck.
Without my assistance you'd now be well stuck.
Just pay me the reckoning and off I will go
Sort out the owings with her"

CHORUS ad nauseam (literally)

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