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The Song Challenge:   The Day That Saji's Sari Slipped and Baji's Bobbin Got Buffed . . . India's health minister has banned the use of condoms to lubricate bobbins used in weaving saris.  CP Thakur has told parliament sari makers are using condoms to speed up weaving because condom lubricant was also good at stopping yarn from snapping.    Mr. Thakur claims the use of so many condoms in the sari industry is affecting India's population control programme.    "Instructions have been issued to stop this practice," Mr Thakur said.  Mr Thakur says the use of condoms in weaving is causing shortages and instances of unscrupulous government health workers meant to distribute free condoms to contain population instead selling the condoms to sari makers.  Workers rub the condoms on bobbins while they make their brocade saris.   The industry is using an estimated half a million condoms every day.   Each of the 125,000 looms in the city of Varanasi uses an average four condoms per day.   It takes nearly 15 condoms to produce one Benarasi sari. The lubricant on the condom smoothens the bobbin and makes it move faster between threads..


Better Safe than Sari by Amos

Better safe than Sari,
Uncle Rupee did proclaim
Your money will go further
With less babes to bear your name
So put the chapeaux on at night,
At the bedside, not the loom,
Oh it's better safe than Sari,
For a better, bright tomorry,
Split the shifts down at the quarry,
Not the cells within the womb.

We are better safe than Sari,
Said the wives across the land.
And you look darn near ridiculous
With that condom on your hand!
Put your hand inside your pocket!
Put the condom on its tool,
Oh its better safe than Sari,
No more babies will I carry,
Yes, its better safe than Sari
Choose the right thing to keep cool!

We are better safe than Sari,
Say the weavers from Khalee;
We get 12 straight months of nookie,
Where we used to get but three!
And the drain on our finances
Has been reaching a new low;
Oh, we're better safe than Sari,
We'll get laid again tomorry,
Hire doughboys by the lorry!
But let the looms go slow!

© 2001 A. H. Jessup

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