Bare-Bottomed Carousers by Calico


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Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers. The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria. Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set. The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World. The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch. The identity of the couple has not been revealed.

Bare-Bottomed Carousers by Calico
(Tune: Bell Bottom Trousers)

Once there was a barmaid worked in Cumbria
Couldn't stand to be confined by knickers, shirts, and bras.
She met a fellow nudist staying at the inn.
Who said, "One should be free, unfettered as the wind!"

Late in the evening, as snow began to fall,
Suddenly they got the urge to answer nature's call.
Up to the hilltop with assets waving free
They ran through the forests giggling with glee.

CHORUS:
Singing
"Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
What the heck do we care?
Darlin', I love you!"

Now, unbeknownst to these two, th' Oasis had a plan
To film Mother Nature with their critter cam.
They've only got one channel in Cumbria, you see,
And tourists need diversion and some levity.

Just try to picture it-- the patrons in their beds,
Expecting a badger, get a beaver shot instead!
"Is this the nude Olympics or is it merely porn?--
Oh, no, it's just our waitress bare as she was born!"

Chorus:
"See the
Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
On the badger cam tonight
Making their debut!"

Now the moral of the story as you can plainly see:
You never know what folks will do to get on the TV!
If you have a hotel, closed-circuit fills the bill
For very little overhead, your guests may get a thrill!

Chorus:
"See the
Bare-bottomed Carousers
Cold and turning blue
On the badger cam tonight
Making their debut!"