The Ballad of Pashan Pud by mousethief


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They Sure Know How To Pitch A Party In Pashan Pud! . . . (August 2001, Uttar Pradesh, India) -- Thousands of Indian villagers have celebrated an annual festival by throwing stones at each other. Nearly 250 people were injured during the Pashann Pud stone-throwing event near Nainital in Uttar Pradesh. Doctors report mainly head and eye injuries. Villagers arranged themselves into two groups to throw the stones. The tradition dates back several hundred years to when one member of the community was sacrificed each year to appease the village's goddess. The injured were given first aid on the spot and many were transported to hospital. The victims described their injuries as a "kind of blessing from the goddess", United News Of India reports. In past times, when a chosen young man's parents appealed to the king to spare his life, villagers were ordered to compensate with their blood. There are no rules about the size of stones that can be used during the festival.

The Ballad of Pashan Pud by mousethief
(Tune: any number of folk ballad tunes; you pick)

I'll sing you a story that's not very long
All about the dangers of listening wrong
Be careful you're hearing what you think you hear
Of the importance of this, I will tell you in song

Now an Indian lass who set racing my blood
Said, "won't you come home and see my 'passion pud'?"
I followed that lass, as any single man might
Whilst chomping desire like a cow chews its cud

Expecting good loving, imagine my shock
To come over the ridge and be hit by a rock!
I was sprawled on the ground while my temple gushed blood
Releasing the tension built up in my -- um -- male organ.

It seems that this village had quite a strange feast
To honor their goddess (who sounds quite the beast!)
They throw rocks at each other each year on that day
When my hopes for a little "passion pud" wholly ceased

So gather round men-folk and learn from my tale
Or like me your sad fate you may come to bewail
Don't go near the village they call Pashan Pud
Even in the pursuit of hot Indian tail.

(I'm almost ashamed to say this, but --)
Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.