The Ballad of Ted Rambleat by WYSIWYG


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The Song Challenge: Sheep shoots sleeping shepherd -- Cairo, Egypt -- Shepherd Mokhtar Adam Fadl was sleeping soundly beside his flock when he was shot dead. Hours later police found his killer. It was one of his sheep, police officers said Thursday. The sheep killed Fadl by kicking his gun and accidentally firing it, the officers said, speaking on condition of anonymity. The shot hit Fadl in the chest as the 20-year-old Bedouin slept in the desert near Sidi Barrani, northwest Egypt. Police in the district of Marsa Matrouh said they confiscated the locally made gun as it was not licensed. They took the sheep away, but not to prison.

The Ballad of Ted Rambleat by WYSIWYG

Let me tell you all a story 'bout a sheep named Ted,
Seems once upon a time the critter shot his shepherd dead.
Said "Sheep are stupid but this ram is no one's fool!"
So he loaded up with shepherd-shot, and aimed his hoof to pull!
Trigger, that is.
Full bore.
(Deadly.)

Along came the forensic team to find the evil doer,
No human perpetrators trace, just pellets of manure.
So they tested all the cloven hooves for Hoppe's Number Nine,
And when they got to Teddy's wife she bleated (nearly whined),
"Take me in!
It was my fault!" (Adultery.)

But Ted was quite the gentleman and glad for what he'd done;
He bleated out the tale of how the shepherd'd had his fun.
For Ted's dear wife was just the last of all the sweeter ewes,
To come to him in heartbreak with the awfullest of news.
Warn't no shepherd's crook. From behind. (Forcibly.)

So in the end they ruled it justifiable homicide.
Found traces there of condom use ('twas lubed, with spermacide).
So shepherd boys take notice of poor Mokhtar's sad affair...
Apparently rams get nasty if you ram their ladies there. Private parts.
Unmentionables.
(Bestiality.)

Ted's in witness protection out there lolling by the pool,
Cuz the desert is no place for sheep, with all that heavy wool.
His wife and all their lambkins keep him merry company,
At the Grand Hotel Chez Akbar, there in Sidi Barrani.
Sued for damages.
Busted porn ring.
(Punitively.)