SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Challenge:  From a recent National Public Radio show segment:  Mr. Patrick Wright is serving time in the George F. Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, California for brandishing a knife at police and for illegal possession of ferrets.  In California, unlike most states in the U.S., keeping ferrets as pets is illegal. He picked up the knife when the police burst through his door during a raid to take possession of his four pet ferrets. "I like to believe I live in a free country . . . in California . . . it's like we're dealing with Stalin . . . it's completely un-American," says Mr. Wright. His fellow inmates in the county jail at first didn't believe he'd been arrested for ferret possession.  However, after they'd seen his picture in the local newspaper, they began calling him 'Ferretman'. He told the court that he is sorry about the knife incident, but still defends his right to keep ferrets. The appeal of ferrets he says, '. . . they're like little clowns . . . they're Prozac with legs."   The Challenge is to write a song welcoming Mr. Wright home from the county jail and/or defending his right to keep ferrets!


The Ballad Of Ferretman by Troll
(Tune:  Lizzie Borden)

In the state of California, Otay Mesa was the site, 
With his four cute furry ferrets, lived a man named Patrick Wright. 
And he bought food for his ferrets at the local pet food store, 
But alas poor Patrick doesn't have his ferrets any more.

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California, 
Not even as a present from your maw, 
No you can't own a ferret out in California 
Sacramento says they are against the law.

Now as Pat was fixing lunch one day there came a thun'drus knock 
T'wasn't just a timid tapping. You could hear it round the block 
With his trusty sushi knife in hand he opened up the door, 
Next thing he knew the cops had him spread-eagled on the floor.

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California 
Not even if you think they're very nice. 
No you can't own a ferret out in California. 
Ferret owning is an evil nasty vice.

So they took him to the court house and the judge he heard the tale 
They took fingerprints and mug shots and they let him out on bail. 
When his case came up for trial, it relieved his darkest fears, 
He got sixteen days in prison. Hell, he could have got ten years!

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California, 
Not even if you think that they are great. 
No you can't own a ferret out in California 
You'll have to go live in some other state.

Now he's sitting in the pokey and he's counting out the days 
And he's really learned his lesson. Now he knows crime never pays. 
And the other inmates found he'd broke the Anti-ferret rule 
Now they call him Ferretman and everybody thinks he's cool

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California 
They'll catch you and they'll put you in the jail. 
No you can't own a ferret out in California 
You'll have to get your mom to go your bail.

If you live in California and you want to keep a pet 
Then a ferret is the animal you hadn't oughter get 
There's a lot of things that you can have with feather, fur or fin. 
But don't try to own a ferret cause someone will turn you in.

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California, 
Although you can own a tiger or a bear. 
No you can't own a ferret out in California, 
They sure have got some crazy laws out there. 

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